"Struggling to slow down and find simplicity isn't something to feel guilty about. It's not our fault."
The Simple & Calm Interview Series - Episode 5
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Catch up on the series so far here:
Are you ready for episode 5? Let’s begin…
Today’s guest is
who writes Journaling Wild here on Substack.Nelly is looking for other poetry and journaling lovers, and would love to connect. Be sure to head over to her Substack and say hi. Her Substack also features blogs on journaling, creativity, poetry and the challenge of bringing up kids as a feminist.
You can also find Nelly’s poetry book - Motherhood Minus the Medals, on Amazon.
A brief introduction of who you are and what you do
Hi, I'm Nelly. I'm a writer, poet, mum of four from Manchester in the UK. I am a total journaling addict and published my first book of poetry (Motherhood Minus the Medals) last year. I'm always working on far too many projects at once, can eat copious amounts of cake and have huge book piles in every room of our house - I find this exceptionally reassuring.
I'm happiest getting outdoors with our little tribe or else escaping the craziness of family life by going for long walks with friends that involve dipping in cold water and eating gorgeous food. Work wise I write copy and content for small businesses and run journaling workshops. I'm also working on a second poetry book and I run a journaling community for women on Substack, alongside my newsletter - Journaling Wild.
What made you start living a simpler, more intentional life?
Having children, and in particular having children and trying to combine parenting with paid work. We had our first three children very close together (at one point we had three under five) and life suddenly felt so busy and chaotic. So it was a desire to slow things down and change things up in order to live a more intentional family life. Mixed with the fact that children force you to slow down I think. It sounds cheesy but they really do see magic around every corner. And you can try and rush them but as every parent knows, you'll just end up frustrated. So I ended up giving in and joining them. It's a work in progress but they are very good teachers, most of the time.
What would your perfect, slow, 24 hours look like?
I am an early riser, I absolutely adore seeing the sun rise so I'd probably get up, make coffee and then either sit outside to journal/ write poetry, or sit by a window. I tend to chase good light. I might throw in a short meditation too. I exercise most days, on my slow day this would be yoga or pilates, something involving stretching and breathing deeply.
Breakfast would be a slow affair, more coffee, croissants, lots of grazing, the papers. Then we'd get outside, for a walk, take a picnic, somewhere with water ideally. Later on we'd play in the garden, do a little gardening perhaps or I'd sit in the early evening sunshine and read a book. My eldest is an avid baker so she'd probably be whipping up some treats (to have with yet more coffee, I really like coffee).
We'd have friends round in the evening and there would be easy food. Pre-kids we both loved having friends for dinner and my husband is a brilliant cook so we'd create these lavish affairs. Nowadays it's all about simple and tasty food that means we can enjoy the company without it feeling stressful. And something the kids will all eat because that's always a challenge.
Then the kids would watch a film so we can hang out for longer and, because this is my perfect 24 hours, they'd just brush their teeth without being asked and then go to bed without needing to be told ten times, because it had been such a wholesome, brilliant day, ha.
Tell us a secret to a simple life
I wish I knew the answer to this. I suppose, for me, the secret is to first notice and know what a simple life means to you. And know that this might change over time I think too. Notice what simplicity looks like and what it doesn't, what slowing down feels like. Then I think you can slowly start to make changes if necessary. I also think it is useful to remember that struggling to slow down and find simplicity isn't something to feel guilty about. It's not our fault. It is really hard to slow down in a world that values productivity above most else.
What's the best advice you've ever been given/ read?
To practise gratitude daily, regularly. It is so simple that it sounds almost too easy. But it really works. It really makes a difference.
A book/ website or other resource everyone should read is...
Again, so many. I'm a Mary Oliver fan and I have her book Devotions (which is a big old collection of her poetry) by my bed. I find her poetry so intensely beautiful. So peaceful. So hopeful. She writes in a way that reminds me that we are so deeply connected to nature and the outdoors. When I read any of her poetry I feel a sense of calm, a grounding that slows me down. I love it.
One practice of your slow living life that you couldn't live without is...
My journal! Or any notebook, paper and a pen.
The biggest impact slow living has had on you is...
Our family life is calmer and more gentle and I think we are more present with our children. Not all the time by any means. I try to value quality over quantity. So that means I don't get as much time as I'd like with each of our children individually but I try to make sure that when we are together I listen well and am fully in the moment. And when we plan our week together on a Sunday we are very intentional thinking through what everyone needs and where our time and energy is needed.
I'd like to hope that through us living life with more intention that we pass this on to our children. That as a result they are mindful of how they live their lives and look after our planet.
One thing people should do more of is...
Write and read poetry :)
One thing people should do less of is...
Oh it's so obvious but scroll through mindless shit on their phones. I do this often.
Your favourite quote is...
Oh god, I am a massive quote/mantra/inspirational passage geek. Where to start. I currently have the line "All the days that you get to have are big" written in colourful letters across my journal. I'm not entirely sure who said it. But I do know I like the sentiment a lot.
A piece of advice you'd give to your younger self...
Spend less time giving a shit what people think and more time reading books/writing/trying out different types of work/saying yes to things that sound like they might just be wonderful.
What advice would you give to someone wanting to live a simple more intentional life?
When it comes to trying to do so with a family, I'd probably say that whatever you are doing, all the small things, do matter, they do count. If your life doesn't resemble the beautiful instagram account with the wooden shack at the side of a lake where it's always sunny and kids walk barefoot etc. etc. And mine 100% does not.
Our lives are busy and the kids probably do too many clubs and we don't always have time to buy locally because I am not organised enough and only remember I need a present for a kids party the next day at 10pm on a Friday night. Basically, it is hard and sometimes you can't be perfect. But that doesn't mean you can't still make tiny changes that add intention in and will make a difference.
A top tip is...
Start small. And notice, remember, highlight, celebrate these small things. I recently started saving any plastic bags from loaves of bread and the like, tipping out the crumbs and folding them neatly ready to be re-used. Oh and cereal bags too. What a tiny, stupid thing this sounds like. But it has brought me a tiny amount of joy to know that they will be re-used. And the other day my eldest brought me one back from her pack-lunch all nicely folded. It made me smile.
Tell us about the time in your life that you felt the most content
Oh wow. I feel content quite a lot I think. We went travelling around France for three months in our twenties, just our car and a tent. We were on a really tight budget but weirdly the slowness of that trip, meandering around the countryside, stopping when we felt like it, including having to account for every single penny, was really satisfying and lovely.
The best thing someone has ever said to you
"I bought your poetry book for my friend." To feel like something I've written has not only connected with someone, but will now go on to connect others, what a flaming privilege and a joy. It's probably not the very best thing. There are more obvious ones. But it is pretty good.
Your go to when you you want to be creative is...
Reading other people's poetry. All types. Or doing something entirely different to what I would normally do.
When it all gets a bit much, how do you bring yourself back to calm?
Meditation..
Tell us about your biggest extravagance
Our van was a pretty big extravagance. Practical though with four kids!
Share a journal prompt for readers to ponder
What is the most important thing for you to do today? Makes you stop and consider that jobs list!
A simple, beautiful memory you have is...
Every single memory of my children being born. The magic is indescribable.
One thing that makes life instantly better is...
Coffee. Or a hug.
A favourite recipe that everyone should try is...
Wild garlic pesto has been my newest favourite thing this summer. I got the kids foraging for it and I made shed loads which I've put in the freezer. Makes you stink but SO good.
Where can people find you online?
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Until next time,
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Thanks so much for having me x
What a lovely interview! So lovely to hear from another Mum raising kids in deliciously imperfect slowness.