January 2025. Imagine we’re all sat in a living room, it’s completely informal and relaxed, we have our drinks of choice and we talk and chat and natter about whatever is on our minds. Sort of like a book club meeting without the books (should there be books?!). I suppose if we didn’t all live in different countries and time zones, and we had enough energy and time and space, we could meet on Zoom to do this, but none of that is true, so we bring it to a monthly post to chat instead
My 12 year old is having lots of homework from her online school and since it’s still new to her to work this formally, she needs me more. And my 3 year old gets jealous. And my husband also wants my input on his work. And my own business needs me, and I need myself so… I feel torn and anxious, and I want to just be alone and do what I need to do by myself 🫠
Hi Jessica, I can totally relate to this feeling of everyone needing you and pulling you in all directions.. it’s so hard and totally exhausting! 😏 I agree with Sophie.. I think we have to get really really firm (with ourselves more than anything) and set a clear boundary for time alone to meet your own needs.. it’s so important and actually vital if you’re going to be able to keep supporting everyone else. 💕 Have you tried explaining it like this to your husband? I think sometimes it’s hard to admit because it feels like you’re failing/not good enough.. but I think those are thoughts we put on ourselves and not actually how the people around us would feel about it. They might even appreciate the transparency.. men are always saying “I’m not a mind reader” 😉🤣
I get that feeling A LOT! I’ve realised I need to set myself some time away to be on my own. It’s something I’ve struggled so much with, but I need it! And not to work or do housework, but to do something for me. I’m trying to be firm with this boundary but it’s hard
Thank you for opening this up Sophie. I could talk about all three topics for hours… ha! I’m actually just about to see if I can get a referral for an assessment for my ND… I do feel a formal diagnosis would be helpful for me. I’ve not bothered going down the route before because it will likely take years… (and I had a fear that they won’t take me seriously) but I decided that I may as well just see what happens because if I don’t even start the process then in a year’s time I won’t be any closer. Motherhood has been intense this week with poorly children, and even more awful sleep than usual (my 2 year old is a very unsettled sleeper… I highly suspect ND with her as well) and this week the full moon, my bleed, and even less sleep than normal has left me feeling a little tender to say the least!! On the flip side my creative work is feeling so wonderful and is genuinely feeding me so much, as is my devotion to more self tending and time in nature. So it’s a mixed bag right now but allowing it all!!! I hope the MRI went ok? Xxx
Hi Sophie, this is such a lovely thread.. and great to explore some new Substacks 👍
I had another difficult day with my 15 yr old today and it makes me so sad that I just don't know how to help her... she has developed a real (and definitely genuine) fear of needles and is refusing to get her booster jabs... HPV.. DTP, etc.. I've tried so many different approaches/exercises/techniques... and the tough love approach... I've lost all patience with it to be honest! 😏
There are other things she really struggles with.. sensitivities, avoidance, lack of empathy/understanding, etc.. Do you think it might be wise to ask for an assessment, or is it too late now? x
Definitely not too late! Have you had the conversation with her? Would she be happy to go along to the GP with you and discuss it? Could you watch some ND programmes together so she can see how it presents in other people?
Also, for jabs, could you have a chat with the nurse beforehand and ask if they can give some numbing cream to put on before so it hurts less? Does she understand the risks/benefits? Maybe she needs to understand it fully before doing it? Someone else might have more advice for older children as mine are young and I could probably bribe them 🤣
Yep, done the numbing cream.. she’s been through way worse pain (mouth surgery) but says she’d rather go through all that again than have a jab 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t get it. I have said to her... that I’m sorry but I’m not equipped to deal with this and we’ll get some help/advice.. but don’t know where to turn that doesn’t cost a fortune 🙄 Yes, she definitely understands the risks/benefits.. I’ve actually been quite blunt about it.. but she doesn’t seem to care.. even when I explained how HPV effected me and I had to have surgery to remove part of my cervix (sorry). I will definitely talk to her about getting the ball rolling with an assessment.. do we start with the GP? Thank you so much for responses, I really appreciate it 🥰
Sorry, I'm not sure where that all came from 🙈... it just seams like people here might know a thing or two about neurodivergence and everyone seems so kind and supportive 👍
Not at all! That’s exactly what these engagement threads are for, so we can all chat and get advice from people who get it! I’d love to do them live but with time zones and children and life it’s just not possible, so this is the next best thing 🥰
My baby is having an MRI scan right now. I’ve just got back from helping the anaesthetist put him to sleep and everyone keeps saying to me (well meaning) that I can go and “let it all out now”, and “well done for holding it all together”. I used to be a surgical nurse and have assisted anaesthetists hundreds of times to put people to sleep. I’m now convinced that the staff here think I’m heartless and cold 🤦🏼♀️🤣. I’ve enjoyed a coffee and I’m currently reading through my Substack inbox. The staff seem baffled. I don’t understand 🤯
🤣 I'd love to see their faces.. did you tell them you used to be a surgical nurse or leave them guessing what was going on? 😆 Also, I hope all went well with the scan and baby not too groggy ❤️
I did tell them in the end, but they were still like “oh but it’s different when it’s your own”. I thought I’d have to start fake crying to prove I’m not heartless 🤦🏼♀️🤣
I'm in a bit of an in-between stage right now. Adjusting to both my boys being away at Uni, wanting to put more time into my Substack and design business, but also just plain knackered and feeling the pull to hibernate 🤣
Hi Louise, I'm also feeling that pull to just sleep, but brimming with ideas and plans for my Substack.. it's so hard to get the balance right isn't it? x
I am still thinking about unmasking. It's my word for the year but I know I have a lot to work through. I am a big people pleaser and I find it hard to say no. I also don't put much merit in my own opinions, even if it's someone I don't know disagreeing with me, particularly on things involving neurodivergence/neurodivergent people. I need to figure out who I actually am behind all the people pleasing, the low self-worth, the masks.
Becky, it’s such a big year for you discovering who you are. It’s hard work but so worth it. There’s so much unpicking (and unmasking) to do isn’t there? I don’t know if you’ve heard of Charlie Rewilding, but I’m in her WhatsApp community and it’s beautiful! It’s full of neurodivergent people who just get it. I’d be happy to share the details with you. It’s really helped me massively. Although I have switched off notifications and only go into the group when I have a question to ask/need support. Otherwise it can get too noisy. Let me know 😊
Hi Sophie, yes there is so much to do. I have heard of Charlie Rewilding. I subscribe to her on here and I've watched a few of her YouTube videos. But, I didn't know about her WhatsApp community. If you don't mind sharing the details, I will have a look at it. Thank you. 🖤
Hi Jessica Alice, yes I am. And I do enjoy it! I found your letter about winter super relatable but I definitely need to dive further into your archive. Thank you. 🖤
Coming up to a year since my formal diagnosis and wondering if I should do a post about it... 🤔 Other than that life is pretty good. Have also been thinking about how I can work in a way that's sustainable for me once I qualify as a counsellor.
I’d like to read about it. I’m self diagnosed and wonder if I should pursue a formal diagnosis. When is the right time? Is there a right time?
I’m doing lots of work at the moment around how to make my work work for me. Happy to have a chat or be a sounding board if you’d like to talk it out 😊
Thank you, I do find your posts helpful from a business perspective.
And great questions. I'll delve into it more but generally I think the right time is when you want to know either way. I had done so much research but I wanted the affirmation of a formal diagnosis.
Hi Lauren, that’s a lot 🥴 Sending hugs and lots of love your way 🤗💕xxx
My 12 year old is having lots of homework from her online school and since it’s still new to her to work this formally, she needs me more. And my 3 year old gets jealous. And my husband also wants my input on his work. And my own business needs me, and I need myself so… I feel torn and anxious, and I want to just be alone and do what I need to do by myself 🫠
Hi Jessica, I can totally relate to this feeling of everyone needing you and pulling you in all directions.. it’s so hard and totally exhausting! 😏 I agree with Sophie.. I think we have to get really really firm (with ourselves more than anything) and set a clear boundary for time alone to meet your own needs.. it’s so important and actually vital if you’re going to be able to keep supporting everyone else. 💕 Have you tried explaining it like this to your husband? I think sometimes it’s hard to admit because it feels like you’re failing/not good enough.. but I think those are thoughts we put on ourselves and not actually how the people around us would feel about it. They might even appreciate the transparency.. men are always saying “I’m not a mind reader” 😉🤣
I get that feeling A LOT! I’ve realised I need to set myself some time away to be on my own. It’s something I’ve struggled so much with, but I need it! And not to work or do housework, but to do something for me. I’m trying to be firm with this boundary but it’s hard
Thank you for opening this up Sophie. I could talk about all three topics for hours… ha! I’m actually just about to see if I can get a referral for an assessment for my ND… I do feel a formal diagnosis would be helpful for me. I’ve not bothered going down the route before because it will likely take years… (and I had a fear that they won’t take me seriously) but I decided that I may as well just see what happens because if I don’t even start the process then in a year’s time I won’t be any closer. Motherhood has been intense this week with poorly children, and even more awful sleep than usual (my 2 year old is a very unsettled sleeper… I highly suspect ND with her as well) and this week the full moon, my bleed, and even less sleep than normal has left me feeling a little tender to say the least!! On the flip side my creative work is feeling so wonderful and is genuinely feeding me so much, as is my devotion to more self tending and time in nature. So it’s a mixed bag right now but allowing it all!!! I hope the MRI went ok? Xxx
Hi Sophie, this is such a lovely thread.. and great to explore some new Substacks 👍
I had another difficult day with my 15 yr old today and it makes me so sad that I just don't know how to help her... she has developed a real (and definitely genuine) fear of needles and is refusing to get her booster jabs... HPV.. DTP, etc.. I've tried so many different approaches/exercises/techniques... and the tough love approach... I've lost all patience with it to be honest! 😏
There are other things she really struggles with.. sensitivities, avoidance, lack of empathy/understanding, etc.. Do you think it might be wise to ask for an assessment, or is it too late now? x
Definitely not too late! Have you had the conversation with her? Would she be happy to go along to the GP with you and discuss it? Could you watch some ND programmes together so she can see how it presents in other people?
Also, for jabs, could you have a chat with the nurse beforehand and ask if they can give some numbing cream to put on before so it hurts less? Does she understand the risks/benefits? Maybe she needs to understand it fully before doing it? Someone else might have more advice for older children as mine are young and I could probably bribe them 🤣
Yep, done the numbing cream.. she’s been through way worse pain (mouth surgery) but says she’d rather go through all that again than have a jab 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t get it. I have said to her... that I’m sorry but I’m not equipped to deal with this and we’ll get some help/advice.. but don’t know where to turn that doesn’t cost a fortune 🙄 Yes, she definitely understands the risks/benefits.. I’ve actually been quite blunt about it.. but she doesn’t seem to care.. even when I explained how HPV effected me and I had to have surgery to remove part of my cervix (sorry). I will definitely talk to her about getting the ball rolling with an assessment.. do we start with the GP? Thank you so much for responses, I really appreciate it 🥰
Sorry, I'm not sure where that all came from 🙈... it just seams like people here might know a thing or two about neurodivergence and everyone seems so kind and supportive 👍
Not at all! That’s exactly what these engagement threads are for, so we can all chat and get advice from people who get it! I’d love to do them live but with time zones and children and life it’s just not possible, so this is the next best thing 🥰
My baby is having an MRI scan right now. I’ve just got back from helping the anaesthetist put him to sleep and everyone keeps saying to me (well meaning) that I can go and “let it all out now”, and “well done for holding it all together”. I used to be a surgical nurse and have assisted anaesthetists hundreds of times to put people to sleep. I’m now convinced that the staff here think I’m heartless and cold 🤦🏼♀️🤣. I’ve enjoyed a coffee and I’m currently reading through my Substack inbox. The staff seem baffled. I don’t understand 🤯
How amazing that you were able to draw from your previous experience and stay calm 💕
🤣 I'd love to see their faces.. did you tell them you used to be a surgical nurse or leave them guessing what was going on? 😆 Also, I hope all went well with the scan and baby not too groggy ❤️
I did tell them in the end, but they were still like “oh but it’s different when it’s your own”. I thought I’d have to start fake crying to prove I’m not heartless 🤦🏼♀️🤣
🤣🤣
I'm in a bit of an in-between stage right now. Adjusting to both my boys being away at Uni, wanting to put more time into my Substack and design business, but also just plain knackered and feeling the pull to hibernate 🤣
Hi Louise, I'm also feeling that pull to just sleep, but brimming with ideas and plans for my Substack.. it's so hard to get the balance right isn't it? x
Yeah, I get that. I can imagine it’s a weird feeling. Maybe lean into hibernating for now. There’s no rush 🥰
I am still thinking about unmasking. It's my word for the year but I know I have a lot to work through. I am a big people pleaser and I find it hard to say no. I also don't put much merit in my own opinions, even if it's someone I don't know disagreeing with me, particularly on things involving neurodivergence/neurodivergent people. I need to figure out who I actually am behind all the people pleasing, the low self-worth, the masks.
What an incredible word and intention for the new year! Celebrating you as your journey unfolds 💖
Becky, it’s such a big year for you discovering who you are. It’s hard work but so worth it. There’s so much unpicking (and unmasking) to do isn’t there? I don’t know if you’ve heard of Charlie Rewilding, but I’m in her WhatsApp community and it’s beautiful! It’s full of neurodivergent people who just get it. I’d be happy to share the details with you. It’s really helped me massively. Although I have switched off notifications and only go into the group when I have a question to ask/need support. Otherwise it can get too noisy. Let me know 😊
Hi Sophie, yes there is so much to do. I have heard of Charlie Rewilding. I subscribe to her on here and I've watched a few of her YouTube videos. But, I didn't know about her WhatsApp community. If you don't mind sharing the details, I will have a look at it. Thank you. 🖤
Here’s the link: https://substack.com/redirect/062e4924-ba2f-4055-bad9-ccae0ac108c9?j=eyJ1IjoiNGdsdWYifQ.gDf4A0dKJc8evHY7VjahzgmQLQOSjc423EWVob7baEc
Becky, I'm not sure if you're already subscribed to my newsletter? If not you might enjoy it, some of my posts might be useful to you.
Hi Jessica Alice, yes I am. And I do enjoy it! I found your letter about winter super relatable but I definitely need to dive further into your archive. Thank you. 🖤
Peruse at your leisure! 😄
Coming up to a year since my formal diagnosis and wondering if I should do a post about it... 🤔 Other than that life is pretty good. Have also been thinking about how I can work in a way that's sustainable for me once I qualify as a counsellor.
I’d like to read about it. I’m self diagnosed and wonder if I should pursue a formal diagnosis. When is the right time? Is there a right time?
I’m doing lots of work at the moment around how to make my work work for me. Happy to have a chat or be a sounding board if you’d like to talk it out 😊
Thank you, I do find your posts helpful from a business perspective.
And great questions. I'll delve into it more but generally I think the right time is when you want to know either way. I had done so much research but I wanted the affirmation of a formal diagnosis.
What has been the major shift since you had a diagnosis? I’d love to read about that, I’m still on the fence to get one! :)
Great question... I struggle to put it into words, but my husband says I am more carefree and I mask less since diagnosis. Hope that helps :)