November 2024. Imagine we’re all sat in a living room, it’s completely informal and relaxed, we have our drinks of choice and we talk and chat and natter about whatever is on our minds. Sort of like a book club meeting without the books (should there be books?!). I suppose if we didn’t all live in different countries and time zones, and we had enough energy and time and space, we could meet on Zoom to do this, but none of that is true, so we bring it to a monthly post to chat instead 😅
I’m quite new to Substack and pleased to find you. I write about mothering, trauma informed/ emotionally connected mothering for whole family wellbeing and healing and remothering- continuing self care when our own mother’s work is done.
I worked as a breastfeeding counsellor and supported attachment parenting. It took me a few years to find my way back to a more emotionally connected way of parenting due to bereavements and the school system.
I’ve been struggling with the juggle of everything lately. My baby was unwell again earlier this week and this meant I missed 2 days of work (and pay) while he was too unwell to go to the child minder.
I feel guilty in that I feel frustrated when he’s unwell, and how often he’s unwell, because it impacts my work and income so much. I’m trying to build a more hands off approach to my business so that I can still earn money without having to work 1:1 with clients, and it is working, but it’s taking forever. It’s sooo slowww.
It’s also messing with my plans and routines and I feel so dysregulated when he’s unwell. And when he’s not, I spend my time working overtime to catch up/ prepare for when he’s unwell again.
So yeah, lots of guilt, lots of woe is me moments too 🫠
Sophie, I am pouring you a warming cup and making you a delicious pot of something wholesome. May you take care of you. May you find little moments when you can fill your own cup up, and may in those moments, may a gentle smile come over you knowing that you are doing your best even though times may be hard and tiring. Much love and may your little one's health come into balance.
Since you mentioned books, I'm reading one I really like called Easy Street by Maggie Rowe. She lives with OCD but on the outside looks "fine" and this is contrasted with a woman in her life who is on the verge of unhoused and who has similar mental health challenges but it's visible ... Maggie spends a lot of time thinking about her choice not to have children as she's effectively mothering this other 55 year old woman. Lots of food for thought.
I been thinking a lot about unmasking. I've written a rather anger filled letter about it on here but it's just sitting in my drafts. I'm just very tired of always feeling like I'm wrong for how I am.
I've also been thinking a lot about Loop earplugs. So many neurodivergent people say they're amazing, a life changer but they all seem to block a lot of decibels, even the ones designed for social situations. I don't want to be shouting or not hearing people properly. That would make social situations even worse, if that's even possible! But I do like the thought of blocking out all the other sounds... Any advice about them is welcome!
I relate to this a lot! I have Loop earplugs and they are good, but also I struggle to have them in at home with my family because I can’t hear them, and I also speak very quietly when I have them in. I got them to take the edge off the chaos of after school/ tea time/ bedtime etc. but they’re too good for me to wear. Then when everyone is out I don’t need them in. So I’ve barely worn them. Oh but I do wear them if I’m working on my laptop next to my husband who is watching football. But that’s the only situation I find works.
As for unmasking, I think about this a lot too. Right now I have a lot of appointments for my baby with various health professionals, and I’m masking massively. Which then leaves me utterly exhausted afterwards but I also don’t have the freedom to just go for a nap or relax afterwards. So lots of stress/ emotions at the moment. No advice, but I get it!
Oh wow, I never even considered I'd talk very quietly! I'd just envisioned myself hollering at people!😂 I was wanting them for social situations in noisy environments like restaurants, pubs etc. I don't go out a lot but if I'm visiting my in laws we usually go out for food. I like the thought of something blocking out the excess noise of others but allows me to hear the people I'm with. I spoke to my partner about them, who has a degree in music technology, and he told me they all block out a lot of sound so everything will be really quiet. If it's noisy in my house and I really need to concentrate, I have a pair of ear defenders but I'm too scared to wear them outside. Thank you for letting me know your experience, Sophie. It sounds like they wouldn't be right for what I want them for. I might look for a cheaper alternative and see if they help in anyway.
It's hard, isn't it? The more I look into autism and masking, the more I think "I'm not myself around 90% of the people I know!" and I find that really upsetting. And it is completely exhausting! I watched Miranda Hart on Graham Norton and she was talking about opening up and writing about her chronic illness and being honest about it. And she said that its been discovered that the biggest regret most people have on their death bed is that they weren't themselves in their life and instead they were who they thought other people wanted them to be. (That's not a verbatim quote but that's the jist.) Hearing that felt like a shot to the heart. I don't want to get to the end of life and regret not being myself.
Yeah, it's strange, but because everything is is quiet around you, you end up talking really quietly too. I wish I'd got something cheaper, they're just not that useful to me as a home body who doesn't go out to festivals or loud places.
Aw that's really sad to think about! I don't either! I think it's easier for me in some ways because I don't have friends, I don't see my family often, I don't have colleagues, so I'm only around people for a very short amount of time, probably not long enough for them to notice I'm ND/ I can mask well. The appointments with my son's health professionals are short but there are many. Once we're over this period of his life, I'll be ok. I'm myself around my husband and children, and I think that's enough for me.
Yep, me too! 😅 But I understand how stressful trying to navigate this business decision may be for you. Do you know of any other therapists who are ND?
Would love to hear more of your thoughts about a therapy business. I got my Masters intending to "be a therapist" and realized that I didn't want to go that route after all for a whole variety of reasons (succinctly, I knew I couldn't maintain that many relationships and be a mentally healthy person) so I write about therapetuic topics often for licensed therapists.
Hi Kathryn, same as you I wonder how I can work as a therapist (for myself or for someone else) without burning out again. I want to work in a way that supports my neurodivergence, but that seems to be incompatible with being a therapist! I am looking into alternative routes like you, as opposed to the usual 1-to-1 sessions. Thank you for asking 😄
I know it’s not the same thing at all, but there are similarities in my experience of changing and adapting my virtual assistant business to better suit me.
I’m moving away from 1:1 client work because I can’t commit right now. I have 1 long term client whose work I love, and who’s also ND so she understands me so well.
Obviously it’s not the norm for a VA to not work directly with clients, but I’m making it work. I’m focusing on my Substack and also creating digital resources and short term services that I can offer when I have the time/ headspace. Maybe this could be something you do too? A more hands off approach and then some short term 1:1 work when you’re able to?
Yeah this is something I'm considering. I love the idea of in-person group work, but I'm looking at paid subscriptions, memberships, and online courses/products I could create.
It feels like a 'lesser path' though somehow, rather than trying to make 1-to-1's work 🤷🏼♀️
I won't be practicing until 2026 so maybe I'm overthinking all this 😅
Oh gosh, I get this! I've thought this ever since leaving nursing, but now I'm so much happier that this is my job and this is the way I work. A mindset block for sure, but worth exploring so that you can still do your work, just in a different way. I suppose that's better than not doing it at all. But yeah, you've got time to see what happens over the next year or so
My colleague April has figured out a pace that works for her that I really admire. Still not right for me but she’s inspiring. https://www.expansiveheart.com/
All of these things are on my mind at the moment but mostly questions around late-diagnosed ADHD and how that intersects with the realization that I also have complex childhood CPTSD.
I have found a fantastic free resource and community that I honestly think could be life-changing - but do fear that I'll ADHD it and get all giddy to begin with and not sustain.
Even if you do get giddy but then don't sustain, maybe you'll experience some benefit? I know I usually benefit from self-knowledge even if it's short term.
Brains are so tricky. People with C-PTSD are more likely to experience ADHD and people with ADHD can be more impacted by C-PTSD ... and then there's the fact that sometimes symptoms of one overlap with the other. And we really only know the surface of it all anyway. Brains! Amazing and weird :)
I’m quite new to Substack and pleased to find you. I write about mothering, trauma informed/ emotionally connected mothering for whole family wellbeing and healing and remothering- continuing self care when our own mother’s work is done.
I worked as a breastfeeding counsellor and supported attachment parenting. It took me a few years to find my way back to a more emotionally connected way of parenting due to bereavements and the school system.
I’ll look out for you posts
Best wishes
Piata x
I’ve been struggling with the juggle of everything lately. My baby was unwell again earlier this week and this meant I missed 2 days of work (and pay) while he was too unwell to go to the child minder.
I feel guilty in that I feel frustrated when he’s unwell, and how often he’s unwell, because it impacts my work and income so much. I’m trying to build a more hands off approach to my business so that I can still earn money without having to work 1:1 with clients, and it is working, but it’s taking forever. It’s sooo slowww.
It’s also messing with my plans and routines and I feel so dysregulated when he’s unwell. And when he’s not, I spend my time working overtime to catch up/ prepare for when he’s unwell again.
So yeah, lots of guilt, lots of woe is me moments too 🫠
Sophie, I am pouring you a warming cup and making you a delicious pot of something wholesome. May you take care of you. May you find little moments when you can fill your own cup up, and may in those moments, may a gentle smile come over you knowing that you are doing your best even though times may be hard and tiring. Much love and may your little one's health come into balance.
Thanks so much Sam! 🥰 I really appreciate that!
Since you mentioned books, I'm reading one I really like called Easy Street by Maggie Rowe. She lives with OCD but on the outside looks "fine" and this is contrasted with a woman in her life who is on the verge of unhoused and who has similar mental health challenges but it's visible ... Maggie spends a lot of time thinking about her choice not to have children as she's effectively mothering this other 55 year old woman. Lots of food for thought.
This sounds right up my street! I’ll have to check it out, thank you!
I been thinking a lot about unmasking. I've written a rather anger filled letter about it on here but it's just sitting in my drafts. I'm just very tired of always feeling like I'm wrong for how I am.
I've also been thinking a lot about Loop earplugs. So many neurodivergent people say they're amazing, a life changer but they all seem to block a lot of decibels, even the ones designed for social situations. I don't want to be shouting or not hearing people properly. That would make social situations even worse, if that's even possible! But I do like the thought of blocking out all the other sounds... Any advice about them is welcome!
So, yeh, that's where my heads at. 😂
I relate to this a lot! I have Loop earplugs and they are good, but also I struggle to have them in at home with my family because I can’t hear them, and I also speak very quietly when I have them in. I got them to take the edge off the chaos of after school/ tea time/ bedtime etc. but they’re too good for me to wear. Then when everyone is out I don’t need them in. So I’ve barely worn them. Oh but I do wear them if I’m working on my laptop next to my husband who is watching football. But that’s the only situation I find works.
As for unmasking, I think about this a lot too. Right now I have a lot of appointments for my baby with various health professionals, and I’m masking massively. Which then leaves me utterly exhausted afterwards but I also don’t have the freedom to just go for a nap or relax afterwards. So lots of stress/ emotions at the moment. No advice, but I get it!
Oh wow, I never even considered I'd talk very quietly! I'd just envisioned myself hollering at people!😂 I was wanting them for social situations in noisy environments like restaurants, pubs etc. I don't go out a lot but if I'm visiting my in laws we usually go out for food. I like the thought of something blocking out the excess noise of others but allows me to hear the people I'm with. I spoke to my partner about them, who has a degree in music technology, and he told me they all block out a lot of sound so everything will be really quiet. If it's noisy in my house and I really need to concentrate, I have a pair of ear defenders but I'm too scared to wear them outside. Thank you for letting me know your experience, Sophie. It sounds like they wouldn't be right for what I want them for. I might look for a cheaper alternative and see if they help in anyway.
It's hard, isn't it? The more I look into autism and masking, the more I think "I'm not myself around 90% of the people I know!" and I find that really upsetting. And it is completely exhausting! I watched Miranda Hart on Graham Norton and she was talking about opening up and writing about her chronic illness and being honest about it. And she said that its been discovered that the biggest regret most people have on their death bed is that they weren't themselves in their life and instead they were who they thought other people wanted them to be. (That's not a verbatim quote but that's the jist.) Hearing that felt like a shot to the heart. I don't want to get to the end of life and regret not being myself.
Yeah, it's strange, but because everything is is quiet around you, you end up talking really quietly too. I wish I'd got something cheaper, they're just not that useful to me as a home body who doesn't go out to festivals or loud places.
Aw that's really sad to think about! I don't either! I think it's easier for me in some ways because I don't have friends, I don't see my family often, I don't have colleagues, so I'm only around people for a very short amount of time, probably not long enough for them to notice I'm ND/ I can mask well. The appointments with my son's health professionals are short but there are many. Once we're over this period of his life, I'll be ok. I'm myself around my husband and children, and I think that's enough for me.
Neurodiversity is always on my mind! 😅 That and the potential pitfalls and challenges of starting my own therapy business one day.
Lots I could say here!! Love the idea of these threads Sophie :)
Yep, me too! 😅 But I understand how stressful trying to navigate this business decision may be for you. Do you know of any other therapists who are ND?
Ah, thanks Jess. Me too! 🥰
I don't at the moment, I live in an area where there aren't many therapists full stop, so will have to find ND ones online :)
Would love to hear more of your thoughts about a therapy business. I got my Masters intending to "be a therapist" and realized that I didn't want to go that route after all for a whole variety of reasons (succinctly, I knew I couldn't maintain that many relationships and be a mentally healthy person) so I write about therapetuic topics often for licensed therapists.
Hi Kathryn, same as you I wonder how I can work as a therapist (for myself or for someone else) without burning out again. I want to work in a way that supports my neurodivergence, but that seems to be incompatible with being a therapist! I am looking into alternative routes like you, as opposed to the usual 1-to-1 sessions. Thank you for asking 😄
I know it’s not the same thing at all, but there are similarities in my experience of changing and adapting my virtual assistant business to better suit me.
I’m moving away from 1:1 client work because I can’t commit right now. I have 1 long term client whose work I love, and who’s also ND so she understands me so well.
Obviously it’s not the norm for a VA to not work directly with clients, but I’m making it work. I’m focusing on my Substack and also creating digital resources and short term services that I can offer when I have the time/ headspace. Maybe this could be something you do too? A more hands off approach and then some short term 1:1 work when you’re able to?
Yeah this is something I'm considering. I love the idea of in-person group work, but I'm looking at paid subscriptions, memberships, and online courses/products I could create.
It feels like a 'lesser path' though somehow, rather than trying to make 1-to-1's work 🤷🏼♀️
I won't be practicing until 2026 so maybe I'm overthinking all this 😅
Oh gosh, I get this! I've thought this ever since leaving nursing, but now I'm so much happier that this is my job and this is the way I work. A mindset block for sure, but worth exploring so that you can still do your work, just in a different way. I suppose that's better than not doing it at all. But yeah, you've got time to see what happens over the next year or so
My colleague April has figured out a pace that works for her that I really admire. Still not right for me but she’s inspiring. https://www.expansiveheart.com/
Thank you for the recommendation! I appreciate it 💕
April sounds like exactly what I need, just UK based 😅
All of these things are on my mind at the moment but mostly questions around late-diagnosed ADHD and how that intersects with the realization that I also have complex childhood CPTSD.
I have found a fantastic free resource and community that I honestly think could be life-changing - but do fear that I'll ADHD it and get all giddy to begin with and not sustain.
I agree with Kathryn, even if you do ADHD it, it still may be a useful experience. You won’t know unless you try ❤️
Even if you do get giddy but then don't sustain, maybe you'll experience some benefit? I know I usually benefit from self-knowledge even if it's short term.
Brains are so tricky. People with C-PTSD are more likely to experience ADHD and people with ADHD can be more impacted by C-PTSD ... and then there's the fact that sometimes symptoms of one overlap with the other. And we really only know the surface of it all anyway. Brains! Amazing and weird :)