24 Comments
User's avatar
Jessica Alice's avatar

I think our purpose is to live our dreams, so you're in luck - you've got lots of dreams, now find ways to make them happen! ✨

Expand full comment
Sophie Ingleby's avatar

So exciting, isn’t it?! 🥰

Expand full comment
Sarah Raad's avatar

in terms of what you should do for a living, look up the concept of IKIGAI

Expand full comment
Sophie Ingleby's avatar

YES! I love this concept. Thanks Sarah 🥰

Expand full comment
Eva Lydon 🌺's avatar

I think you've found a fantastic and beautiful purpose to your life and NO, you don't have to change the world in a big way... you are enough just as you are! 🥰 I find it fascinating that so many of us feel like we have to do something with our lives that will do good/impact the world in a big way. Why is that?

I struggled for many, many years with this feeling of being inadequate the way I was. Like I wasn't enough and what I was doing or how I was living wasn't good enough. "You could do so much more" I would hear from my (well meaning) parents.. "You can change the world!" my dad would say.. So, of-course anything less made me feel like a failure! 😕

I think we can all agree that it is important to be kind in this world... and if you WANT to do something that can help others, then that's lovely... but we need to remember that we are still worthy if we want to live our lives for ourselves and not necessarily in a way that is of "service" to others 👍

Having said that, I believe everybody serves a purpose in this world, by simply being here... supporting friends and family, bring up children... sharing their joy (and sadness), their knowledge and their passion, their weaknesses and their honesty. We ALL learn, adapt and grow in our closest surroundings... EVERYBODY has a part in shaping this world... and that starts at home ❤️

Expand full comment
Sophie Ingleby's avatar

Ah, Eva! Thank you for this!

I think I was the opposite of you. My parents didn't care one bit, and I remember someone saying to me that I wouldn't amount to anything in life. So I made it my mission to do my best and be something. I feel like I've always had a point to prove - I was the only person in my family that went to college and university, and it was so tough, but I needed to do it. And I did, even though it ultimately wasn't what I wanted to do, but I'm glad I did it. I always wanted to achieve the next thing, and wouldn't ask anyone to help me.

Now I feel like I'm less strict with myself, because I've proved my point. Now I can just enjoy life and do what I want to do. And if that means I can help a few people along the way, then I'm more than happy with that.

Thanks so much for sharing this, Eva! I feel so inspired after reading your comment 🥰

Expand full comment
Eva Lydon 🌺's avatar

Aw, you’re welcome 😊 I love conversations like these and it’s so lovely how we’ve inspired each other 🥰

I’m sorry to hear that about your childhood, it makes me so angry that people just throw around comments like that and don’t think about the impact it could be having! Grrr! 😤

Anyway, you proved them wrong! Not that you HAD to do that, but I think it worked well for you that you did. It sounds like it perhaps enabled you to tick that box and move on with doing what YOU wanted to do and not feel guilty about it in the process 👍

I’m going to DM you, because I would love to have you as a guest on my podcast in the new year, which is all about guilt and the different ways can effect us deeply. x

Expand full comment
Lori L. Cangilla, Ph.D.'s avatar

Such a thoughtful piece! Personally, I think it's easy to get caught up on words like purpose, meaning, dreams, goals, vision, etc., and forget that they all speak to a way that we are drawn toward doing something that reflects our values. I find it easier to feel content and fulfilled when I'm aligned with that movement toward what I value, whether that's in a big picture way of stating my purpose or in small, daily actions.

And these things definitely evolve as my life changes. I find it freeing to allow them to evolve, instead of sinking into the trap of trying to figure out my one grand purpose, once and for all. To me it's about continuing to steer and adjust, not putting my life on autopilot for the sake of a purpose I've predetermined.

Thanks for getting me thinking about these topics!

Expand full comment
Sophie Ingleby's avatar

Yes! Values are so important in the concept of a 'life's purpose'. You're right, these do change as we enter new seasons of our lives and where once I used to try and stop them and remain where I was, now I'm happy to lean into them and see what's right for me and where they take me next. Thanks so much for your comment!

Expand full comment
Annalisa Caminarecci's avatar

Very difficult question! Have you looked into the Japanese Ikigai concept? ☺️

Expand full comment
Sophie Ingleby's avatar

Yes! I heard it years ago, but I want to delve into it again after this post and the comments 🥰

Expand full comment
Annalisa Caminarecci's avatar

It's very inspiring, the way for fulfillment according to the Japanese culture :) x

Expand full comment
Becky Handley Old Profile's avatar

First I have to say, we have really similar dream homes except I want mine to be in Derbyshire, not Scotland. I actually laughed when you talked about the nearest neighbour being miles away because I 100% dream of the exact same thing!

When it comes to purpose, I'm not sure. For a long time I thought it was to be creative, whilst talking truthfully about my mental health so others felt less alone, with a big dream being to open up a mental health charity that helps working class people get help quicker. But then my creative business didn't really take off and I grew tired of having to perform all the time on social media, constantly thinking in Instagram-ese (as I heard one very clever person refer to it.)

Now, I am more open to what some would deem a smaller purpose. Staying creative and being truthful but striving more to be fully myself and lead the type of life I truly want - quiet and peaceful. I don't think I'll help the world but I might help one person by doing that. And I think that's enough.

Expand full comment
Sophie Ingleby's avatar

Ha! My neighbours are thankfully lovely, but I would still love to have no one around me 🤣.

I think that your purposes can be merged because you talk about mental health and being creative through your writing, whilst living a quiet and peaceful life. So you may not be doing what you thought on a grand, global level, but you’re still doing it in your own way, on a smaller more personal level. And that is just as important!

So lovely to hear from you again, Becky! 🤍

Expand full comment
Becky Handley Old Profile's avatar

My current neighbours are nice except they did do 14 months of renovations, without any prior warning, when they first moved in so I considered murder for a brief period. 😉 I have had some truly awful neighbours though so I think it's them that have fuelled my desire to have a home far away from others. I don't want to be at the mercy of other people and their noises. 😂

Thank you, Sophie. You are right. Thank you. 🖤

Expand full comment
Yvonne Gerner's avatar

I love this. But here is the thing - if I were to answer those questions, I could easily end up with the same purpose. Because I’m good at those things and I do enjoy it to a degree. But I also know that after a while it would drain me and no longer fulfill me. I’m great at organizing, but I don’t think it’s my purpose. But how do I find it? I’m still soooo lost.

Expand full comment
Sophie Ingleby's avatar

So true! I think we have different purposes at different stages of our lives. My background is in nursing and I fully believed that that was my purpose, but things change. It definitely was my purpose in my twenties, but now I have a different one, and that’s absolutely fine. I don’t think you need to have one purpose your entire life. What feels right to you right now?

Expand full comment
Maria Gaian's avatar

There are many people who believe that without a purpose we end up depressed.

I don't think that's true. I think not having goals or dreams can make you depressed.

We need to have goals and dreams, something to look forward to. Something to work towards.

I don't believe your purpose has to be world changing, but simply being kind, showing people how you change your corner of the world, is enough.

I was given a purpose during a meditation one day.

My purpose is to create sacred spaces for wounded Souls to heal and thrive.

I'm a nurturer and compassionate healer, so it's what comes naturally to me. A wounded Soul can be anyone! Animals and birds arrive at my door out of nowhere and I help them. People give me half dead plants to revive.

Mostly I specialise in helping people heal the wounds that cause depression. It's not world changing, but it changes lives, one Soul at a time. It fulfils me and gives my life meaning.

My purpose does help me keep the black dog of depression at bay, but my big dream of creating a retreat space in the mountains is what really keeps me moving forwards. And honestly, I might never achieve it, but I am enjoying the journey regardless....

Expand full comment
Sophie Ingleby's avatar

This is wonderful, Maria! What a beautiful purpose you have 🥰

Expand full comment
Kaus's avatar

I think purpose doesn't have to be big. I think of it as we all have small purpose and that magnifies into a big one. And giving people calm is on the top list, I believe.

Expand full comment
Kaus's avatar

I think purpose doesn't have to be big. I think of it as we all have small purpose and that magnifies into a big one. And giving people calm is on the top list, I believe.

Expand full comment
Sophie Ingleby's avatar

I love this! You’re so right ☺️

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Oct 8
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Mackenzie's avatar

Oh, I love this Wendy! 🥰

Expand full comment
Sophie Ingleby's avatar

Oh Wendy! I love this. Having different purposes for the different roles you play makes so much sense! That’s really helpful to think of it that way, thank you 😊

Expand full comment