Overstimulation as an introvert

When the world is too much

I only discovered the term introvert relatively recently, I’d say within the last 5 years. Growing up, I just assumed that there was something wrong with me, but I didn’t know what. I felt embarrassed to discuss it with my parents because, my symptoms were… silly? Not physical/ obvious? I don’t quite know.

My symptoms included being really tired most of the time. Especially after school, I’d have to come home and nap. I had younger siblings who I just could not tolerate being around because they were so loud. I found I preferred being on my own because it was much more calming. Being in the school canteen would make my heart race with all the noise, movement and smells.

Smells were something I was sensitive to, and would often lead to me getting a headache, or worse, a migraine. This became more apparent to me when I had to get the train to university. I could smell everyone’s perfume, washing powder, dinner, coffee, breath, body odour - everything.

But, the worst symptom of all, was becoming incredibly stressed due to lots of noise. Now I grew up in a big family, and quite a chaotic house. There was always noise around and it made me easily irritated.

Even now as an adult I struggle with noise. Meal times seem to be the worst for me. Just yesterday I was in the kitchen making tea (I’m from the north of England and this is what we call the evening meal), and in just 5 short minutes found myself at boiling point.

The oven was whirring, the extractor fan was humming loudly, the microwave was vibrating, the washing machine was spinning. I was running the tap to rinse some pots. My children were sat at the dining table talking and laughing. The sound of their utensils chopping through their food seemed so loud. The baby was attached to me in the sling, fussing, wanting to be fed. My husband comes home from work and the dogs start to bark in excitement, a deceptively loud, deep bark for such small sausage dogs. He heads straight for the TV and switches it to the sports channel, even though he doesn’t sit down to watch it, instead he starts to make his packed lunch for work tomorrow - yet more pans and cupboard doors clattering. My phone rings, it’s my sister trying to FaceTime. I don’t want to answer because I’m so busy, and it’ll mean more noise, but I can’t help but think that something might be wrong, so I answer. Everything is fine but she’s showing me her toddler’s latest trick, and I can hear the loudness of her house now too. A tractor goes by outside, its trailer bouncing up and down loudly. I feel like I’m about to explode.

I could feel a headache coming on. As much as I love my family, and spending time together at the dining table eating a meal, I just wanted to run away. As we sat at the table, my husband was trying to tell me about his day and all I could think was “PLEASE STOP TALKING!”. Luckily, I didn’t say it out loud. I hid it, nodded my head and smiled. But by the end of that meal, I was exhausted.

The truth is, I was overstimulated. There was too much going on. An extrovert wouldn’t notice all of those seemingly insignificant details of those 5 short minutes, but I felt every. single. one.

Now, I absolutely love being an introvert. It’s a personality trait that I’m proud to have, I’m certainly not embarrassed by it. But, it can be exhausting at times. After the meal, I was drained. Not physically, because I’d not moved much around the kitchen, but mentally and emotionally drained. I just wanted to get into bed and go to sleep, but I’m a parent and I had other things to do.

It’s tricky to navigate the emotions of being an introvert when you’re a parent, but I’ve learned a few ways that help me to cope better. I’ll list them below in hopes that they may help you if you ever find yourself overstimulated as an introverted parent.

Seek quiet in busy moments.

I like to take myself away to a quiet place for a few minutes to decompress. For example, at that meal time I mentioned above, I would say I need to get something from my bedroom (which is two floors up) and slowly walk up the stairs, breathe, and then slowly walk back down. Harmless white lies like this give a brief moment of respite when you can’t escape for hours on end.

Spend time alone.

Luckily for me I work from home and have the luxury of spending the majority of my day completely by myself. You see, I need time alone to recharge, and this is why I struggle so much in the school holidays. If you can, even if it’s a trip to the bathroom at work, take your time and enjoy your own company.

Know your limits.

I come from a large family, and there’s always some sort of family gathering, a birthday or various other celebrations that I’m invited to. Most of my family are extroverts and enjoy this social life. I don’t. But, rather than saying no to every single invite (there’s still lots I do say no to), I’ve found it helpful to attend some celebrations, but leave when I’m ready. That way, I’ve attended the celebration, spoken to a few family members I haven’t seen in a while, but I am in charge of when I leave. Knowing my limits helps me to avoid becoming socially burnt out.

Don’t apologise.

Many extroverts don’t understand how us introverts work, and we can often be mislabelled as rude or boring when we’re actually at our limit and we’re overstimulated. It’s important not to apologise for who we are. Being an introvert is not something to be ashamed of, it’s part of who we are.

Energy savers.

When I’m feeling particularly overstimulated, I turn to things that give me energy as an introvert. Things like spending time alone in a quiet room help, but also putting on my favourite ‘chill out’ playlist, reading a book, watching a familiar film or TV program (something that I don’t have to really concentrate on when watching and allows me to daydream is perfect), and even scrolling through photos on my phone really helps me to relax and decompress.

So, I now realise that there isn’t anything ‘wrong’ with me. I’m just an introvert, and I’m not ashamed of that. In fact, I actually love it.

Have you ever experienced overstimulation as an introvert? How do you handle it? Do you have any tips that you could share in the comments that may help others?