Really relate to so much of this. I vividly remember discovering that you can go to the bathroom even if you don’t need to use the bathroom, around 4th grade - and being SO relieved to be able to excuse myself and take a break throughout the school day. I’m now an extroverted introvert, but still really need my alone time to recharge and take a break from the over simulation.
I really relate to this. I spent most of my early adult life trying to fake being extroverted to fit in. I did it well and most people were convinced but the cost was huge for my mental and physical health as well as resulting in a lot of alcohol to get through. The turning point for me what’s when I read Quiet by Susan Cain; it gave me permission to say that I need calm, space and alone time.
Oh I can completely relate to all of this. I was an introvert trying to be an extrovert and it led me to a burnout 4 years ago and I discovered that I am an emotional empath and for the first time, I finally felt understood. Noise also gets to me, it becomes too much (I got some loop noise cancellers, I can really recommend them). 🤍
Oh I hear you, Sophie! Reading Quiet by Susan Cain in my 30s was a revelation. Finally I understood why I am the way I am, and since then I’ve realised I’m pretty sensitive too (if HSP is a scale like introversion/extroversion I’d say I’m towards but not right at the HSP end). I talk a LOT about this with my clients and it’s so powerful to have this self-awareness because then you can take action to support yourself. Creating and communicating your boundaries and your needs are vital.
Ah I haven’t read that book, but it sounds like it’d be very useful for me to read. Thank you for sharing!
Yes, I agree! Having this self awareness really does help you to help others. I’m much more competent and confident to help my children who are very similar to me, especially my 7 year old son.
I think you’ll find it v interesting. Also, in case you want to take a look, I have a free guide on overcoming overwhelm as an introvert at gabrielletreanor.com/free x
When will they bring out the scales so we can better understand how to cope! Loved Quiet too - need to revisit since becoming a family of four I think.
Honestly by the time I’ve made dinner for everyone I’m not even hungry. It’s a constant practise to have pleasurable evening meal times here. What I do ask is if my husband can take our toddler upstairs or out to play so I can cook alone and that works much better. I first noticed it when we had an Alexa (we don’t now) and everyone was shouting at her over the telly to stop a timer Id set for dinner - it felt like I was loosing my mind. So now cooking is quieter but still a massive challenge for me every day. Thanks for sharing Sophie. ✨
Haha nope it was a total low point! She bought things we didn’t ask for, started advertising things we’d talked about conversationally and never knew when to turn off! 😆 there were some GREAT dance parties though! Honestly I can send you our old one if you’d like to try it it’s just in a box somewhere Cx
I wonder if you may also be a Highly Sensitive Person, what you describe sounds so similar to my own experiences. I am both an HSP and a (huge) introvert, and I completely understand how all those noises and people and things tugging at your attention can be overwhelming and overstimulating. Making sure I have ample alone time certainly helps bring things back into balance, and I also spend a lot of time out in nature, which always helps regulate my energy and recharge my internal batteries.
I see some others have commented about being an HSP - so hello to all the introverted sensitive folks! ♡
I think you’re right! Thanks to this post and a lovely commenter I’ve just discovered this term! I would definitely say that I’m a HSP after reading quickly about it.
I could completely relate to that dinner time scenario. I felt overestimated just reading about it! I grew up with 3 younger brothers so often had to escape for some quiet time with a book or furry creature 😊. Do you also identify as a highly sensitive person? I found out about the term last year. I already knew I was an introvert but this was another layer I'm grateful to have learnt about as it makes me feel a bit less weird! 💚
Oh how interesting. I haven’t heard of the term HSP, so thank you for bringing that to my attention. From what I’ve quickly read about it, I would definitely say that’s me! I’ll definitely read about it more
“Slowly walk up the stairs, breathe, and then slowly walk back down.” - I love this! 🤍
I’m an extrovert, but I can relate to what you write. I love being with others, but I also need plenty of time alone (I’m possibly an HSP - a highly sensitive person).
The best comment ever came at parents evening from one of my son's teachers (when he was 15). He commented that my son was very quiet in class and then said 'but that's totally fine, we all participate differently'. He then went on to ask my son if he was happy with the state of affairs or whether he would like to contribute a little more. My son said he was fine how he was and they agreed that if he needed help he could approach the teacher after class. I thought it was a brilliant way to handle it - I felt a little teary for the past me who spent every parents evening and school report being told 'must speak up more'
That is so wonderful! What an amazing teacher! I bet that made a huge difference to your sons school experience.
I think I’ll speak to my sons teacher and maybe explain that he’s quite happy to sit quietly and get the work done, and he will tell her if he doesn’t understand something. He definitely doesn’t need forcing out of his shell. His shell is his safe place
I feel this post on so many levels - and I thank you for your tips, too. Work is the most overwhelming for me - co-workers, customers, suppliers. Three phones that often ring at the same time, people chatting loudly and asking their questions all at once. I don't really have a hidden away spot during work, there is always at least one person aroung. So once I'm off I listen to podcasts with low and soothing voices on my drive home. They're a fairly good white noise for me. Once I'm finally home, I take some time for myself with a cup of tea or coffee. Then I cuddle my cat or count the leaves on the cherry tree outside.
Back in school I could hide away behind a book during recess, but that won't work at the office unfortunately.
Oh Sue, work sounds very overwhelming for you. It sounds like I’d struggle in that environment too. It’s great that you have things you can implement after work that help you to decompress!
Is there a quiet store room you could stand in for 5 minutes (I used to do this when I was employed)? Or could you take a book and read by yourself on your lunch break? My husband sometimes takes his headphones to work and puts them on at lunch time. He may not even listen to music but people are much less likely to bother him/ talk to him on his lunch if he’s wearing his headphones. This could be the same for you and a book.
It's a lot, yes. Most days I make it through somehow but when it gets really bad I have some headphones with me as well. If I have them in, even without listening to something, people leave me alone most of the time. Except, of course, the people who call. The unfortunate thing is, that we share a break room with our drivers (when they spend their break on company grounds). Most of drivers are smokers and smoke in the break room. I stopped smoking over two decades ago and don't really like the smell.
This is the article I wish I'd read in my teens. Most of my time growing up was spent thinking (and being told) that there was something wrong with me that needed fixing. Now I'm a parent to two teen boys who are both introverts too and it's great to see that their school recognises that some kids don't want to speak up in class. Lockdown for us (me) was incredibly hard and I struggled with not being able to escape the noise of family life. We eventually worked out a system that gave everyone the quiet time they needed but it took some doing.
Both my eldest children are introverts and I am able to recognise and support them better now I know I am one too.
In fact, in my 7 year old son’s school report last week his teacher had written that he is on track with all of his work, however he doesn’t speak up in class even when he knows the answer. She then wrote “I’m working on it though”, and I thought working on what? Some children don’t like to put their hands up and confidently say an answer, but he is listening and he does know the answer. I don’t want her to start singling him out and forcing him to put his hand up as that’ll be so embarrassing for him.
That’s so great that your boys have a supportive school.
Oh gosh, yes! Lockdown was so difficult for me (my husband worked throughout so he wasn’t around to give me some respite with the children). In fact, it was difficult for the children too because they couldn’t escape each other either. I still get nightmares about that time! 😅
Really relate to so much of this. I vividly remember discovering that you can go to the bathroom even if you don’t need to use the bathroom, around 4th grade - and being SO relieved to be able to excuse myself and take a break throughout the school day. I’m now an extroverted introvert, but still really need my alone time to recharge and take a break from the over simulation.
What a revelation! 🤣 I completely understand. Overstimulation is exhausting
I really relate to this. I spent most of my early adult life trying to fake being extroverted to fit in. I did it well and most people were convinced but the cost was huge for my mental and physical health as well as resulting in a lot of alcohol to get through. The turning point for me what’s when I read Quiet by Susan Cain; it gave me permission to say that I need calm, space and alone time.
I can imagine just how physically and mentally exhausting that must have been for you, Kelly! 😔
I’ve heard great things about that book, so I’ve just ordered a copy. I can’t wait to get stuck into it.
Thank you for sharing, and I hope you’re able to live a life more true to you with plenty of calm, space and alone time 🤍
Oh I can completely relate to all of this. I was an introvert trying to be an extrovert and it led me to a burnout 4 years ago and I discovered that I am an emotional empath and for the first time, I finally felt understood. Noise also gets to me, it becomes too much (I got some loop noise cancellers, I can really recommend them). 🤍
I can imagine how that would quickly lead to burnout. I bet it was exhausting for you!
Oh I’ve heard of those but haven’t heard from actual real life users of them. I’ll definitely check them out then. Thanks for the recommendation 🤍
And also, thank you for sharing these feelings. It's so valuable what you wrote. 🤍
Thank you Nadja 🤍
Oh I hear you, Sophie! Reading Quiet by Susan Cain in my 30s was a revelation. Finally I understood why I am the way I am, and since then I’ve realised I’m pretty sensitive too (if HSP is a scale like introversion/extroversion I’d say I’m towards but not right at the HSP end). I talk a LOT about this with my clients and it’s so powerful to have this self-awareness because then you can take action to support yourself. Creating and communicating your boundaries and your needs are vital.
Ah I haven’t read that book, but it sounds like it’d be very useful for me to read. Thank you for sharing!
Yes, I agree! Having this self awareness really does help you to help others. I’m much more competent and confident to help my children who are very similar to me, especially my 7 year old son.
I think you’ll find it v interesting. Also, in case you want to take a look, I have a free guide on overcoming overwhelm as an introvert at gabrielletreanor.com/free x
Thanks so much! I've just downloaded it 😊
Hope you find it helpful 😊
When will they bring out the scales so we can better understand how to cope! Loved Quiet too - need to revisit since becoming a family of four I think.
I bet that will be really interesting, to see how it relates to you and your family.
Yes I think so ✨
Honestly by the time I’ve made dinner for everyone I’m not even hungry. It’s a constant practise to have pleasurable evening meal times here. What I do ask is if my husband can take our toddler upstairs or out to play so I can cook alone and that works much better. I first noticed it when we had an Alexa (we don’t now) and everyone was shouting at her over the telly to stop a timer Id set for dinner - it felt like I was loosing my mind. So now cooking is quieter but still a massive challenge for me every day. Thanks for sharing Sophie. ✨
I’ve been like that too, Claire! Where I don’t even want to eat the meal that I’ve cooked because I’m not hungry anymore. I’m past it.
Having your husband occupy your toddler is a great way to reduce stress at an already stressful time though! A great tip, thanks for sharing.
Oh gosh, I can imagine it all gets too much with the added noise of Alexa. My son wants one for his birthday and you’re not selling it to me! 😂
Haha nope it was a total low point! She bought things we didn’t ask for, started advertising things we’d talked about conversationally and never knew when to turn off! 😆 there were some GREAT dance parties though! Honestly I can send you our old one if you’d like to try it it’s just in a box somewhere Cx
Haha! That sounds manic! That’s very kind of you to offer 🤍
I wonder if you may also be a Highly Sensitive Person, what you describe sounds so similar to my own experiences. I am both an HSP and a (huge) introvert, and I completely understand how all those noises and people and things tugging at your attention can be overwhelming and overstimulating. Making sure I have ample alone time certainly helps bring things back into balance, and I also spend a lot of time out in nature, which always helps regulate my energy and recharge my internal batteries.
I see some others have commented about being an HSP - so hello to all the introverted sensitive folks! ♡
I think you’re right! Thanks to this post and a lovely commenter I’ve just discovered this term! I would definitely say that I’m a HSP after reading quickly about it.
Nature is also a massive help for me!
The feeling of wanting to explode from overstimulation... yessssss 🙌🏼 That is a very real feeling 🤪
I’m so pleased that I’m not the only one! 😅 It seems like there’s quite a few of us here
I could completely relate to that dinner time scenario. I felt overestimated just reading about it! I grew up with 3 younger brothers so often had to escape for some quiet time with a book or furry creature 😊. Do you also identify as a highly sensitive person? I found out about the term last year. I already knew I was an introvert but this was another layer I'm grateful to have learnt about as it makes me feel a bit less weird! 💚
Oh how interesting. I haven’t heard of the term HSP, so thank you for bringing that to my attention. From what I’ve quickly read about it, I would definitely say that’s me! I’ll definitely read about it more
No problem! There is a great website on this which I found recently if that's useful - https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/ :)
Thanks so much! I'm going to check it out now 😊
I am an introvert as well as an HSP. When I found out both of these things, I’m like, suddenly my life makes sense 🙃
Yes! That’s exactly how I feel. It all makes sense now! 🤯🥳
“Slowly walk up the stairs, breathe, and then slowly walk back down.” - I love this! 🤍
I’m an extrovert, but I can relate to what you write. I love being with others, but I also need plenty of time alone (I’m possibly an HSP - a highly sensitive person).
I hope you’re having a lovely weekend. 🌱🍃🌿
I’ve had a lovely weekend, thank you for asking! I hope you have too? 🤍
I’m pleased you enjoyed the post Natasha! I’ve only just discovered the term HSP and I’d definitely say that this is me too!
You might enjoy reading The Highly Sensitive Person book by Elaine Aron. 😊
Thank you! I will definitely check it out 😊
The best comment ever came at parents evening from one of my son's teachers (when he was 15). He commented that my son was very quiet in class and then said 'but that's totally fine, we all participate differently'. He then went on to ask my son if he was happy with the state of affairs or whether he would like to contribute a little more. My son said he was fine how he was and they agreed that if he needed help he could approach the teacher after class. I thought it was a brilliant way to handle it - I felt a little teary for the past me who spent every parents evening and school report being told 'must speak up more'
That is so wonderful! What an amazing teacher! I bet that made a huge difference to your sons school experience.
I think I’ll speak to my sons teacher and maybe explain that he’s quite happy to sit quietly and get the work done, and he will tell her if he doesn’t understand something. He definitely doesn’t need forcing out of his shell. His shell is his safe place
I feel this post on so many levels - and I thank you for your tips, too. Work is the most overwhelming for me - co-workers, customers, suppliers. Three phones that often ring at the same time, people chatting loudly and asking their questions all at once. I don't really have a hidden away spot during work, there is always at least one person aroung. So once I'm off I listen to podcasts with low and soothing voices on my drive home. They're a fairly good white noise for me. Once I'm finally home, I take some time for myself with a cup of tea or coffee. Then I cuddle my cat or count the leaves on the cherry tree outside.
Back in school I could hide away behind a book during recess, but that won't work at the office unfortunately.
Oh Sue, work sounds very overwhelming for you. It sounds like I’d struggle in that environment too. It’s great that you have things you can implement after work that help you to decompress!
Is there a quiet store room you could stand in for 5 minutes (I used to do this when I was employed)? Or could you take a book and read by yourself on your lunch break? My husband sometimes takes his headphones to work and puts them on at lunch time. He may not even listen to music but people are much less likely to bother him/ talk to him on his lunch if he’s wearing his headphones. This could be the same for you and a book.
It's a lot, yes. Most days I make it through somehow but when it gets really bad I have some headphones with me as well. If I have them in, even without listening to something, people leave me alone most of the time. Except, of course, the people who call. The unfortunate thing is, that we share a break room with our drivers (when they spend their break on company grounds). Most of drivers are smokers and smoke in the break room. I stopped smoking over two decades ago and don't really like the smell.
I bet that’s infuriating! I hate the smell of smoke too. I hope you have more good days, Sue 🤍
It is, but I'll find a way to relax! I hope you'll have lovely days, too!
This is the article I wish I'd read in my teens. Most of my time growing up was spent thinking (and being told) that there was something wrong with me that needed fixing. Now I'm a parent to two teen boys who are both introverts too and it's great to see that their school recognises that some kids don't want to speak up in class. Lockdown for us (me) was incredibly hard and I struggled with not being able to escape the noise of family life. We eventually worked out a system that gave everyone the quiet time they needed but it took some doing.
Both my eldest children are introverts and I am able to recognise and support them better now I know I am one too.
In fact, in my 7 year old son’s school report last week his teacher had written that he is on track with all of his work, however he doesn’t speak up in class even when he knows the answer. She then wrote “I’m working on it though”, and I thought working on what? Some children don’t like to put their hands up and confidently say an answer, but he is listening and he does know the answer. I don’t want her to start singling him out and forcing him to put his hand up as that’ll be so embarrassing for him.
That’s so great that your boys have a supportive school.
Oh gosh, yes! Lockdown was so difficult for me (my husband worked throughout so he wasn’t around to give me some respite with the children). In fact, it was difficult for the children too because they couldn’t escape each other either. I still get nightmares about that time! 😅
Oh yes, the use of social media can be very overstimulating! 🤯
I hope you can manage to find peace and quiet where you live 🤍