The "Quirks" of Being Neurodivergent

What it's like for me, and what I experience as a ND creative mum of 3.

Hi friend, I’m Sophie, an introverted coffee loving creative. Welcome to Finding Simple & Calm, a place where I share the harsh realities of motherhood and being neurodivergent in my pursuit of a simple life in an overwhelming world. I’m also passionate about creative businesses, and I love writing about, and teaching, methods on how to simplify and organise your business, reduce the overwhelm, and spend more time being creative.
I hope you can join me?

Discovering I’m neurodivergent is new to me. Being neurodivergent isn’t, I’ve been that way since I was born, but knowing that I am is new. Of course, it all makes sense when I look back over my life, but I really didn’t know I was. I thought I was quiet, shy, weird, wrong, rude, direct, miserable - you get the idea.

I’m still figuring things out with my neurodivergence, especially if I should pursue a diagnosis or not. Right now, with my baby’s health issues and weekly ongoing appointments with various health professionals, I just do not have the head space to think about myself. But, from the research that I’ve done, and the people who I speak to, I am confident that I am neurodivergent. And perhaps that’s enough? It is for me at the moment. But it would be useful to know if I am autistic, have ADHD, or am in fact auDHD (which is what I think I am).

Below you’ll find a list of traits, or quirks as my baby’s Health Visitor calls them.

• I’m very sensitive to light.
  All of my devices have to be on the lowest setting. The visor in my car is constantly down, even when I’m a passenger and it’s the middle of winter in England. A grey, gloomy sky can still be too bright for me. Flashing lights are especially triggering, but even the red dot on the TV that’s on standby is too bright for me to sleep.

• I’m very sensitive to noise.
  Silence calms my soul. I need it, and I struggle when I don’t get it. I’m writing this post today as my children have gone back to school and childcare following half term. I could not possibly sit down to write with them at home, even when they’re not being loud, they’re just having conversations or playing or laughing. There’s too much noise and I can’t concentrate. I also love music but I have to have nothing else going on in order to listen to it. I definitely can’t work and listen to music, or write and listen to music. I have a calming playlist that I listen to for that.

• I struggle with socialising.
  People have often called me rude because I don’t engage well in chit-chat. I hate small talk. I don’t know how to start a conversation with a stranger, or even someone I know, so I ignore them or stay silent. It works better when someone else begins the conversation and I can respond in a way I’ve learnt is appropriate. My husband has to remind me to ask a question back to someone. For example, if I’m getting my hair cut and the hairdresser asks what I’m up to at the weekend, or if I’m ok, I’m supposed to ask that question back to them. Who knew?! Also, when I’m done with something, I move on without thought. School, college, university, work - whatever it is, as soon as I finish with it I get rid of everything. I delete people from Facebook, I delete their number, I’m never going to talk to them again so I don’t need their details. I’m not being rude, I just don’t need them.

• Everything has to have its place.
  I know where everything is in my house. I don’t keep anything that I don’t need, and often cull and declutter our belongings to keep things minimal. It’s important for me that everything has its place. It needs to be put back so I know where to find it, and I can’t settle until it’s been returned. I’m very good at organising and planning. I love creating spreadsheets and lists and systems, they’re perfect for my brain!

• I struggle to talk.
  When I’m overwhelmed I physically struggle to talk. My children may be asking me a question, but there’s too much going on around me and I’m noticing everything - every detail - and I can’t open my mouth to reply. I reply in my head, but the words don’t come out of my mouth in a verbal response. This is frustrating for my middle son who is also neurodivergent and expects an answer to his questions immediately.

• I write better than I can speak.
  When I’m talking or in a verbal conversation with someone, I’m noticing every external factor around me. I’m also trying to read their face and body language to see if I’m being annoying, or hogging the conversation, or not talking right. So I much prefer to write. When I’m writing I don’t have to think about how it’s received too much. I can write fluently when I can’t speak fluently and keep tripping up over my words and end up stuttering. Writing is easier for me. I can take the time to actually think about what I want to write, and correct any mistakes before it goes out into the world.
  

• I’m not good with demands.
  My texts and emails can pile up when I’m overwhelmed. I know they’re there waiting to be answered, but I can’t reply to them just yet. I need headspace to sit down and reply. It’s helpful that I don’t have any friends that are constantly texting me, or family group chats that cause endless notifications. Sometimes even my husband texting me to send a picture of the baby is too much and I can’t reply. It’s yet ANOTHER thing I have to do, and so I do nothing. I just sit and think about the fact I need to reply, or my growing to-do list, or that I’m being rude - obviously making the whole situation more stressful. If I just reply, then it’s done! But it’s not because I’ll get another reply and when does it stop?

• Crowds/ groups of people panic me.
  Being in a soft play, or a park, or a birthday party, or a restaurant, or somewhere bigger than my tiny village - the city for example - is too much. I’m listening to every conversation that people are having. I’m listening to food being chewed, I’m reading every sign. I’m getting annoyed at little noises like tapping. I can smell food and perfume and body odour and scents from air fresheners and nature. My eyes can’t stop looking at everything. It’s like a game of Where’s Wally? where I have to search the crowd and look for someone in particular, except I don’t! It’s best for me if I’m alone, or in a small group of people.

• Food.
  I hate cooking, I can’t stand it, and I’m no good at it. I don’t mind cooking something simple, but if there’s loads of steps and preparation and, you know, actual cooking involved, then it’s too much. My husband is constantly worrying about what I eat, but I would happily have porridge for tea every evening. I know I like it, I can make it, and it fills me up. Plus I don’t have to think about it. Thinking of what to cook is such a drain for me. I eat the same foods everyday because I know that I like them and they don’t change. I love fruit and veg, but I can be put off very easily if I eat something and it’s not the same as before. You know like how sometimes grapes are sweet, but then sometimes they’re not. I need them to all be the same!

• Busy thoughts.
  My mind never stops. On the outside I can appear very calm and still, but inside I’m thinking about SO. MUCH. STUFF. Random stuff, stuff from years ago, things I need to remember, song lyrics, random words or thoughts, embarrassing moments, conversations I should have had, things I should have done or not done. And 9 times out of 10, none of it is important or relevant!

• I’m so forgetful.
  There’s forgetful and then there’s me. I forget things almost instantly. I have to write things down or record things so that I don’t forget. Even when I do write things down, I still forget. Appointments need to be written down and where I can see them to be reminded. I set alarms to remember to collect my children from school or childcare, otherwise I get too hyper focused on whatever task I’m doing that I forget about everything else around me. Driving is hard too. I get in the car and set off and have to repeatedly remind myself where I’m going and what route to take. Which can be especially hard when I have all 3 children in the car with me.

• Reading/ Numbers.
  I read everything. Every road sign, every advertisement board, every street name, every licence plate. I read business names on the side of vans and writing on the side of buses and lorries. Reading number plates is so frustrating because, obviously, they go by really quickly. I can remember number plates (why?! Why not something useful?!) of every person I meet, even briefly. Phone numbers too. I’m also terrible at maths - it doesn’t make sense.

• Changes.
  I don’t do well with change. This is part of the reason I stopped being a nurse. There’d be one plan for a patient and I’d be doing whatever it was, and then the surgeon would come and review them and it’d change. They’d stop antibiotics or change the dressing, or order a different scan - and I just struggled to get my head around the change. Change is still something I struggle with now, especially to my routine. If I’ve planned to do something and it gets cancelled, then what do I do now? Or if a place changes a name, gosh that’s really annoying.

I think I’ll leave it there for now. I could talk about this forever, but I think you get the idea. My wider family don’t believe in neurodivergence, and roll their eyes that it’s yet another label. But my little family get it and you guys - strangers on the internet get it too. I don’t have a group of supportive ND peers in person, but I do have them in abundance online. That’s all that matters. I’ve found lots of you here on Substack, and unknowingly attracted ND clients in my VA work. I’m so pleased to have found you, and I’d love to connect and chat with you more about neurodiversity.

If you don’t mind, would you comment and let me know if you are ND? Have you gotten a formal diagnosis? What are your “quirks”? Let me know if any of the things I’ve written about above resonate with you.

Speak soon,