What it's like for me, and what I experience as a ND creative mum of 3. From the research that I’ve done, and the people who I speak to, I am confident that I am neurodivergent. And perhaps that’s enough? It is for me at the moment. But it would be useful to know if I am autistic, have ADHD, or am in fact auDHD (which is what I think I am). Below you’ll find a list of traits, or quirks as my baby’s Health Visitor calls them.
Wow, are we the same person?! I resonated so strongly with nearly all of these. I am self-diagnosed ADHD (also not sure what to do about diagnosis) but I do wonder if I might be autistic too. It’s hard to tell because ADHD can hide autism. I guess one of my quirks is that I do best when I have routine yet find it almost impossible to follow a routine!
Oh, and I have to use the exact cutlery I prefer, and crockery, and I change it if it wasn't me who laid the table. ( oddly, I don't care if I'm in a restaurant / cafe ). I like my pillows in a certain way..and they have to be really firm. I take my own to other houses.
Oh yes! Definitely have to have certain cutlery. There's specific spoons just for me because the rest are too heavy or too bulky, and I only ever drink out of a certain cup. Pillows are something I can't get right. It's a never ending battle to find the right ones!!
Me too for 95% of this. I don't mind mess, I'd be one of those people who can only get into their rooms through a teeny passageway between stuff, if allowed.
I relate so HARD to this post (even the number plates 😂 I also once had a job where we learnt the postcodes for everywhere and I can still tell you them 15 years later - why is nothing useful!!) I realised last year that I was neurodivergent (probably autistic but I think possibly AuDHD too the more I read!). I think it’s interesting that we are seen as super organised & end up in jobs that help others be organised (I’m an executive assistant) but probably as a result of developing coping mechanisms for how our brains work!
I’ve completed a pre-assessment in September and awaiting my appointment (3-6 months wait through Problem Shared which I’ve accessed through NHS right to choose pathway) because even though deep down I know I’m neurodivergent, I still need the validity of an expert to feel like I can be open about it beyond my husband and online friends (like you “real” friendship have always been difficult to maintain) who incidentally are predominantly neurodivergent or have children who are ☺️
YES! I need things a certain way, organised and simplified, for me to function. And it turns out, others find it helpful too. It's no wonder I do what I do when I look at it that way. Thank you!
I feel the same! I don't talk about it to other people because without a diagnosis I'm sure people wouldn't believe me. But also, I'm scared to go for a diagnosis incase the psychiatrist says I'm not neurodivergent and THEN WHAT?! 😱🤯. It makes my brain tired and I need a nap just thinking about it!🫠
Oh god, completely - it took me 6 months to just call my GP to arrange my referral and then the receptionist wasn’t helpful and it took me another 2 months to call back 😂
I was 33 when I started my masters in Integral Counseling and I learned massive amounts about myself through the work I did in that program. In my forties, I know myself even better. Our sense of ourselves truly can get deeper with time.\
Oh, wow. I can't tell you how much I resonated with this post. Many of your 'quirks' are mine too! Maybe...I'm neurodivergent?! I have been thinking about it for a while, so there could be something to explore even further. Thanks for sharing!
I am ND - self diagnosed right now and awaiting an official autism diagnosis. Only 15 months to go now! I am certain that I am and I often wish that my knowing was enough but I don't have the self confidence to not get the official diagnosis.
I can relate to a lot of what you have written.
Light - I wear sunglasses year round because I find sunlight so bright. Leads to a lot of comments but I don't care. ( I do but I'm not going to stop wearing my sunglasses.) I also have all my devices on a lower setting or on the warm setting. I don't like florescent lights in place.
Sound - 100%. I can't read or write if there's any kind of sound. My brain latches onto the sound and I can't focus on anything else. I am very anti having televisions on shared walls for this reason. I can hear my neighbours tv crystal clear so I can't do anything in the living room, other than try and block it out with our tv.
Socialising - 100% too. Small talk is lost on me completely. I haven't been to a hairdressers in years because it's the most awful experience and I end up paying £40 for the privilege. I also really don't like being touched, particularly by strangers, so it's all hell. Parties are another form of hell. I do not understand why I need to ask a stranger questions about their work and life. I will never see you again! Why am I supposed to care?!
Talking/Better in writing - yep! I have experienced a lot of shutdowns throughout my life and I my voice just goes. It's too much energy to speak. Also, when I started school, I was selectively mute for weeks. It was all too much. I am much better in writing, when I have time to think.
Demands - I have honestly never thought of this in this way but I can very much relate. I find texts very overwhelming and I often ignore them for a while. I also have this fear of 'What do they want from me?" because it could be another demand.
Crowds/Groups of People - Utter hell. I used to drink to get through these types of things. Now I don't drink alcohol, I try to only do it in places where I can escape easily.
Food - I hate cooking too. If I have to be in charge, I can about manage it if it's something I've cooked a lot but I stick to the recipe like my life depends on it. If it says to cook the onions for 10-12 minutes, I will cook them for 11 minutes exactly. I do have a lot of safe foods but these sometimes turn on me. If it wasn't for my partner, I would probably live on porridge, jacket potatoes and beans on toast.
Busy thoughts - 100% me too.
Change - not good with it at all. I need my routine and things to be done a certain way.
The only two I don't relate to are being forgetful and reading and memorising number plates and phone numbers. My memory is like a steel trap. Nothing gets out, even things I wish would. And I only know my partners and father in laws number plates. And my Mum's phone number. As I think about it, I'd be screwed without my mobile.
I think my other quirks, that you haven't mentioned, are touch. I love my partner stroking or playing with my hair but I don't want anyone to hug me.
I rewatch a lot of things as I find it comforting and I have comfort items that make me feel better. I used to always have something with me throughout school to help me get through it. It felt like a tether to home, where I was safe.
I don't like being perceived. I can't do things if people are watching or are even in the same room.
I get very annoyed/upset at things being unfair, even in fictional shows/films etc.
I will stop now before my comment is longer than your letter! Sorry for going on. Thank you for writing such a relatable letter. 🖤
Thanks for sharing all of this with me, Becky! Oh gosh, I can see how having a good memory can be both a good and bad thing 😅.
With touch, I 'play' with things a lot and rub my feet together all the time. Stroking the steering wheel when I'm driving, or rubbing a piece of clothing on my face etc. But as for human touch, not really. I feel trapped if it's by someone I know, and if it's a stranger - absolutely do not touch me! 😱
I have adhd and create physical chaos throughout the day. Multiple cups, several attempts at doing dishes, clothes in buckets.
The sensory stuff you mention is a big thing for me. Sunglasses are with me all the time cis even an overcast day can be too bright. Supermarkets and offices have too much bright lighting.
They are also noisy, i can hear so many conversations happening. And need to remember not to ‘help strangers by butting in to answer their question. That they did not ask of me.
I buy the same clothes from the same company. Easy choices, selected for comfort.
Oh we could go on and on. I hope you have had the fun of a multi tangetual conversation with another adhder. Its so much fun and so easy.
Ah supermarkets are hell on earth. I don't know how people can work there. My children's school has those horrid strip lighting that are so bright. My son struggles with them!
Ha! I do this too. If I know the answer to whatever it is that strangers are discussing, I really want to butt in and tell them.
Yes! I'm the same with most things. I like things to be the same so that it's less thoughts/ choices. I wear the same things constantly because it's easier than having to think about what to wear. I've never been fashionable 😅, much prefer comfort!
So much that resonates! I have ADHD and there’s a lot here that sounds just like the inside of my brain but I’ve never been able to articulate. The main difference is, I strive for clutter-free calm but create more mess than I can handle: it’s a constant battle.
Yes! I can imagine. I can't settle until everything is put back in its place, but also, I struggle to actually get up and put things away. I find it helpful to set a timer on my phone and get as much done as I can before the times up.
Sophie, this sounds like it could have been written by me. One thing my partner and close ones struggle to get is that on days when I’m well rested, I’m pretty good with living around loud noises or constant interruptions. But on some days it just adds to the constant deluge of fast-paced images running in my head like a moving picture book, and then a tiny thing - a scratchy tag in clothing, perhaps - can set me off. I try to see the situation from their shoes, and I get how this can feel unpredictable and make it hard to know when and how to respond. I am grateful I have a few who try. For the others there’s always noise-cancelling headphones! 😅
Yes! It's exactly like that - a moving picture book 🤯. I ordered Loops at the start of the year and they've been a game changer. Although, they make me talk very quietly so my husband finds them annoying 😅
Sophie, Sophie, Sophie! - this is such a great list and trust me when I say this is extremely helpful to send to a psychologist or psychiatrist before an assessment (if you decide to go down the route of formal diagnosis). I wish I had made such a list before mine. When you're at the assessment it's very easy to sound and appear 'normal', so it's handy to have a list like this that the diagnosing clinician (and you) can refer to. Such as, if they ask if you're forgetful it's easy to say no, but if you answered like you wrote here, it's a different answer.
Yes! I've been trying to keep a list of some sort so that I have it all when I go for my diagnosis, whenever that'll be. It's also helpful for me to understand for myself though too. I'm still learning about ND and also the terminology. It's a lot and I have to put it down sometimes and leave it for a while 😅
Wow, are we the same person?! I resonated so strongly with nearly all of these. I am self-diagnosed ADHD (also not sure what to do about diagnosis) but I do wonder if I might be autistic too. It’s hard to tell because ADHD can hide autism. I guess one of my quirks is that I do best when I have routine yet find it almost impossible to follow a routine!
Oh, and I have to use the exact cutlery I prefer, and crockery, and I change it if it wasn't me who laid the table. ( oddly, I don't care if I'm in a restaurant / cafe ). I like my pillows in a certain way..and they have to be really firm. I take my own to other houses.
Oh yes! Definitely have to have certain cutlery. There's specific spoons just for me because the rest are too heavy or too bulky, and I only ever drink out of a certain cup. Pillows are something I can't get right. It's a never ending battle to find the right ones!!
Me too for 95% of this. I don't mind mess, I'd be one of those people who can only get into their rooms through a teeny passageway between stuff, if allowed.
So interesting how similar and different we are! It's fascinating 🤩
I relate so HARD to this post (even the number plates 😂 I also once had a job where we learnt the postcodes for everywhere and I can still tell you them 15 years later - why is nothing useful!!) I realised last year that I was neurodivergent (probably autistic but I think possibly AuDHD too the more I read!). I think it’s interesting that we are seen as super organised & end up in jobs that help others be organised (I’m an executive assistant) but probably as a result of developing coping mechanisms for how our brains work!
I’ve completed a pre-assessment in September and awaiting my appointment (3-6 months wait through Problem Shared which I’ve accessed through NHS right to choose pathway) because even though deep down I know I’m neurodivergent, I still need the validity of an expert to feel like I can be open about it beyond my husband and online friends (like you “real” friendship have always been difficult to maintain) who incidentally are predominantly neurodivergent or have children who are ☺️
Right?! 😅 Nothing is useful that I remember!!
YES! I need things a certain way, organised and simplified, for me to function. And it turns out, others find it helpful too. It's no wonder I do what I do when I look at it that way. Thank you!
I feel the same! I don't talk about it to other people because without a diagnosis I'm sure people wouldn't believe me. But also, I'm scared to go for a diagnosis incase the psychiatrist says I'm not neurodivergent and THEN WHAT?! 😱🤯. It makes my brain tired and I need a nap just thinking about it!🫠
I also worry about that for when my assessment finally comes but then I relate so much to everything I read that I don’t see how I can’t not be! X
SAME! But nothing like a bit of overthinking to prevent me from doing something helpful 😅🤦🏼♀️
Oh god, completely - it took me 6 months to just call my GP to arrange my referral and then the receptionist wasn’t helpful and it took me another 2 months to call back 😂
Thank you! I'm 77 yo and that fits me to a T
You're welcome, Fred! Thank you for reading
It sounds like you're really getting to know yourself in a new way which is so helpful to us in so many ways. The food thing is so familiar to me ...
I really am, Kathryn! Which is strange at the age of 31 😅, but it also makes so much sense now.
I was 33 when I started my masters in Integral Counseling and I learned massive amounts about myself through the work I did in that program. In my forties, I know myself even better. Our sense of ourselves truly can get deeper with time.\
Well this is extremely reassuring! I'm looking forward to finding out more 🤣
Oh, wow. I can't tell you how much I resonated with this post. Many of your 'quirks' are mine too! Maybe...I'm neurodivergent?! I have been thinking about it for a while, so there could be something to explore even further. Thanks for sharing!
It's an eye-opener, isn't it?! You're very welcome. I'm here to chat if you need to 😊
I am ND - self diagnosed right now and awaiting an official autism diagnosis. Only 15 months to go now! I am certain that I am and I often wish that my knowing was enough but I don't have the self confidence to not get the official diagnosis.
I can relate to a lot of what you have written.
Light - I wear sunglasses year round because I find sunlight so bright. Leads to a lot of comments but I don't care. ( I do but I'm not going to stop wearing my sunglasses.) I also have all my devices on a lower setting or on the warm setting. I don't like florescent lights in place.
Sound - 100%. I can't read or write if there's any kind of sound. My brain latches onto the sound and I can't focus on anything else. I am very anti having televisions on shared walls for this reason. I can hear my neighbours tv crystal clear so I can't do anything in the living room, other than try and block it out with our tv.
Socialising - 100% too. Small talk is lost on me completely. I haven't been to a hairdressers in years because it's the most awful experience and I end up paying £40 for the privilege. I also really don't like being touched, particularly by strangers, so it's all hell. Parties are another form of hell. I do not understand why I need to ask a stranger questions about their work and life. I will never see you again! Why am I supposed to care?!
Talking/Better in writing - yep! I have experienced a lot of shutdowns throughout my life and I my voice just goes. It's too much energy to speak. Also, when I started school, I was selectively mute for weeks. It was all too much. I am much better in writing, when I have time to think.
Demands - I have honestly never thought of this in this way but I can very much relate. I find texts very overwhelming and I often ignore them for a while. I also have this fear of 'What do they want from me?" because it could be another demand.
Crowds/Groups of People - Utter hell. I used to drink to get through these types of things. Now I don't drink alcohol, I try to only do it in places where I can escape easily.
Food - I hate cooking too. If I have to be in charge, I can about manage it if it's something I've cooked a lot but I stick to the recipe like my life depends on it. If it says to cook the onions for 10-12 minutes, I will cook them for 11 minutes exactly. I do have a lot of safe foods but these sometimes turn on me. If it wasn't for my partner, I would probably live on porridge, jacket potatoes and beans on toast.
Busy thoughts - 100% me too.
Change - not good with it at all. I need my routine and things to be done a certain way.
The only two I don't relate to are being forgetful and reading and memorising number plates and phone numbers. My memory is like a steel trap. Nothing gets out, even things I wish would. And I only know my partners and father in laws number plates. And my Mum's phone number. As I think about it, I'd be screwed without my mobile.
I think my other quirks, that you haven't mentioned, are touch. I love my partner stroking or playing with my hair but I don't want anyone to hug me.
I rewatch a lot of things as I find it comforting and I have comfort items that make me feel better. I used to always have something with me throughout school to help me get through it. It felt like a tether to home, where I was safe.
I don't like being perceived. I can't do things if people are watching or are even in the same room.
I get very annoyed/upset at things being unfair, even in fictional shows/films etc.
I will stop now before my comment is longer than your letter! Sorry for going on. Thank you for writing such a relatable letter. 🖤
Thanks for sharing all of this with me, Becky! Oh gosh, I can see how having a good memory can be both a good and bad thing 😅.
With touch, I 'play' with things a lot and rub my feet together all the time. Stroking the steering wheel when I'm driving, or rubbing a piece of clothing on my face etc. But as for human touch, not really. I feel trapped if it's by someone I know, and if it's a stranger - absolutely do not touch me! 😱
Yes! I feel trapped too! Even if it's someone I adore! And yes, big no to strangers touching me.
I have adhd and create physical chaos throughout the day. Multiple cups, several attempts at doing dishes, clothes in buckets.
The sensory stuff you mention is a big thing for me. Sunglasses are with me all the time cis even an overcast day can be too bright. Supermarkets and offices have too much bright lighting.
They are also noisy, i can hear so many conversations happening. And need to remember not to ‘help strangers by butting in to answer their question. That they did not ask of me.
I buy the same clothes from the same company. Easy choices, selected for comfort.
Oh we could go on and on. I hope you have had the fun of a multi tangetual conversation with another adhder. Its so much fun and so easy.
Ah supermarkets are hell on earth. I don't know how people can work there. My children's school has those horrid strip lighting that are so bright. My son struggles with them!
Ha! I do this too. If I know the answer to whatever it is that strangers are discussing, I really want to butt in and tell them.
Yes! I'm the same with most things. I like things to be the same so that it's less thoughts/ choices. I wear the same things constantly because it's easier than having to think about what to wear. I've never been fashionable 😅, much prefer comfort!
So much that resonates! I have ADHD and there’s a lot here that sounds just like the inside of my brain but I’ve never been able to articulate. The main difference is, I strive for clutter-free calm but create more mess than I can handle: it’s a constant battle.
Yes! I can imagine. I can't settle until everything is put back in its place, but also, I struggle to actually get up and put things away. I find it helpful to set a timer on my phone and get as much done as I can before the times up.
The awful truth is, I can’t settle either - but still find it really hard to summon the energy to tidy, and also my brain is onto the next thing!
Sophie, this sounds like it could have been written by me. One thing my partner and close ones struggle to get is that on days when I’m well rested, I’m pretty good with living around loud noises or constant interruptions. But on some days it just adds to the constant deluge of fast-paced images running in my head like a moving picture book, and then a tiny thing - a scratchy tag in clothing, perhaps - can set me off. I try to see the situation from their shoes, and I get how this can feel unpredictable and make it hard to know when and how to respond. I am grateful I have a few who try. For the others there’s always noise-cancelling headphones! 😅
Yes! It's exactly like that - a moving picture book 🤯. I ordered Loops at the start of the year and they've been a game changer. Although, they make me talk very quietly so my husband finds them annoying 😅
Sophie, Sophie, Sophie! - this is such a great list and trust me when I say this is extremely helpful to send to a psychologist or psychiatrist before an assessment (if you decide to go down the route of formal diagnosis). I wish I had made such a list before mine. When you're at the assessment it's very easy to sound and appear 'normal', so it's handy to have a list like this that the diagnosing clinician (and you) can refer to. Such as, if they ask if you're forgetful it's easy to say no, but if you answered like you wrote here, it's a different answer.
Yes! I've been trying to keep a list of some sort so that I have it all when I go for my diagnosis, whenever that'll be. It's also helpful for me to understand for myself though too. I'm still learning about ND and also the terminology. It's a lot and I have to put it down sometimes and leave it for a while 😅
Thank you for sharing this, Sophie. I’m not ND but this helps me to have more understanding of those who are.
You're welcome! I'm pleased it helped 😊
"I believe that we have different brains and science didnt catch up with us yet." This is so true. You're so right. Thank you for sharing! 🥰