Oh you are being yourself even if you’re not feeling like yourself. I know exactly where you are and how it feels. You are not alone.
As someone who has come out the other side of it, please continue to be you, to share your feelings about this, to be super gentle with yourself. This is your life! All the messy and gorgeous parts, the crying and the laughing.
Sophie! It's incredible how self aware you are! "It’s hard for my husband too, but I’m in this victim mindset at the moment, and all my feelings are selfish." this made me smile & relate so much. Not that I'm in your shoes. I'm not even a mother. Not married yet. I'm 25 and managing a family business. & on some days when there's a lot of outside pressure, all I think to myself is, "I could get up and leave everything, walk away from it right now" & then I don't. Because I'm being selfish & in my victim mode. Wishing you better days and lots of love 🧡 Keep writing!
I only have one child and I experience days like this so I can only imagine what that's like with 3. You're doing your best (which you know) and I hope you can find that balance within all of this.
I remember those days, with three under the age of four, except the husband was always away on business and the help he didn’t give was performed by my then-oldest daughter who was twelve at the time. While each day seemed a hundred hours long, each year, in retrospect, was half that time. Now I’m helping them with their own children, and it’s very surreal but wonderful at the same time. Sending love. Take a walk outside for a few moments when it becomes overwhelming. Take one or two with you if necessary. It helps. If you’ve a garden, it’s a lovely thing to watch them raise their own radishes and it’s funny how they’ll happily crunch the carrots they grew themselves but eschew those from the grocery. Finally, vary the routine somewhat every three or four months. Do something different - alone or with them. It really does make it more fun and beautiful. Peace and blessings.
I truly understand where you are coming from. I was there once myself. My depression was at it's height and my enthusiasm was at it's ebb. What helped me at that time was I sought help from people I could trust, that I knew had my back. Although at that time, there were only a couple of people that fit into that category. The support that I received was actually like giving me a hand up after I had fallen. My only recommendation is to search for those trusted ones in your life and reach out to them. You won't be disappointed, as I was not.
Our few changes and we are stuck in an old suit that doesn't fir anymore..
I try to listen to that inner voice.. there is a reason I'm getting these "messages".
Not listening to my gut, instict has always proven wrong... everytime.
It isn't an easy thing to do. Many are stuck in situations unable or unwilling to take the risk.
Constantly hoping that it will get better yet it never does.
How many women are stuck in marriages because of financial security? .. they even stay in abusive situations.. never realizing their true power and strength.
You perfectly described my life years ago. I remember laying awake many nights in utter exhaustion but unable to sleep because I was so stressed. Raising children has some very difficult chapters and I also thought about leaving it all but for the same reasons you described, I stayed. Today my children are grown and I enjoy them so much as adults. They are now in the thick of raising their own children and I am able to give them the support they need because of my own experience. This will pass. Just keep putting one in front of the other and care for yourself whenever you can find a moment. Your quiet simple life will return in time.
You’re not alone. So many days, weeks and months I’ve felt like this too. It will pass. It will get easier. Try to be kind to yourself when you can. Thank you for sharing, I hope you feel glad you did x
This will pass, in time. I remember literally crying in the sink, sobbing, one evening when mine were small, and yes, that was a low. It happened more than once - and only twice.
I’m sending hugs, along with all the others. You have a support network here.
The older kids can learn non violent communication (they’ll roll their eyes at that) and maybe it will help you too, to say what you observe, feel, need. And plainly, specifically, request. I wish I had learned that 25 years ago. I didn’t. I muddled through. I wonder if it will help you now.
I think of how, in the end, the small moments of calm and joy add up
And connect
And sometimes need creating a little more often
What expectations can be thrown in the bin
I remember the joy of throwing a picnic blanket on the grass and telling the kids it’s banana sandwiches for tea tonight. No washing up beyond a plate. New rules.
I forget many, many things.
I notice what others do, in their perfection and am aware of my momentary feelings of inadequacy. But no. It shows me that there are still ideas brewing of how I’d like our life to be. Ours probably won’t be like theirs,
Maybe it will if we join forces for an afternoon? I can throw together a baked bean supper for my children and my friend’s children at a moments notice, when she needs help, or a break.
And now our kids have flown. They flit back and we throw together a supper still. The house is messy, we still have cats walk in with a mouse or even remnants of hay from the last guinea pigs we had, recently passed. Where it hides, who knows. It makes me happy.
You will find that happy of your own. And keep dreaming of the calm you seek x
Thank you for skipping the toxic positivity and being REAL about the harder times of life. The world needs people to give voice to all of the complexity of what we experience. Your authenticity matters!
Keep writing! Love your honesty and vulnerability. I hope you can grab a glimmer of enjoyment in a sip of coffee or a chat with a friend.
Oh you are being yourself even if you’re not feeling like yourself. I know exactly where you are and how it feels. You are not alone.
As someone who has come out the other side of it, please continue to be you, to share your feelings about this, to be super gentle with yourself. This is your life! All the messy and gorgeous parts, the crying and the laughing.
This is it!
I’ve more or less done it before 13 years ago but not without challenge
I think every woman feels like this is her secret fantasy. I hear ya. I see ya.
Ooof. That’s a rough road. Blessings as you navigate this. Hoping some avenues for rest and hope open up for you.
You can - in your imagination - see where it takes you without judgement! you never know what you might learn….
Sophie! It's incredible how self aware you are! "It’s hard for my husband too, but I’m in this victim mindset at the moment, and all my feelings are selfish." this made me smile & relate so much. Not that I'm in your shoes. I'm not even a mother. Not married yet. I'm 25 and managing a family business. & on some days when there's a lot of outside pressure, all I think to myself is, "I could get up and leave everything, walk away from it right now" & then I don't. Because I'm being selfish & in my victim mode. Wishing you better days and lots of love 🧡 Keep writing!
I only have one child and I experience days like this so I can only imagine what that's like with 3. You're doing your best (which you know) and I hope you can find that balance within all of this.
I remember those days, with three under the age of four, except the husband was always away on business and the help he didn’t give was performed by my then-oldest daughter who was twelve at the time. While each day seemed a hundred hours long, each year, in retrospect, was half that time. Now I’m helping them with their own children, and it’s very surreal but wonderful at the same time. Sending love. Take a walk outside for a few moments when it becomes overwhelming. Take one or two with you if necessary. It helps. If you’ve a garden, it’s a lovely thing to watch them raise their own radishes and it’s funny how they’ll happily crunch the carrots they grew themselves but eschew those from the grocery. Finally, vary the routine somewhat every three or four months. Do something different - alone or with them. It really does make it more fun and beautiful. Peace and blessings.
I truly understand where you are coming from. I was there once myself. My depression was at it's height and my enthusiasm was at it's ebb. What helped me at that time was I sought help from people I could trust, that I knew had my back. Although at that time, there were only a couple of people that fit into that category. The support that I received was actually like giving me a hand up after I had fallen. My only recommendation is to search for those trusted ones in your life and reach out to them. You won't be disappointed, as I was not.
I have. Twice and I'm thinking of doing it again.
Sometimes we outgrow people, places and things.
Our few changes and we are stuck in an old suit that doesn't fir anymore..
I try to listen to that inner voice.. there is a reason I'm getting these "messages".
Not listening to my gut, instict has always proven wrong... everytime.
It isn't an easy thing to do. Many are stuck in situations unable or unwilling to take the risk.
Constantly hoping that it will get better yet it never does.
How many women are stuck in marriages because of financial security? .. they even stay in abusive situations.. never realizing their true power and strength.
Acceptance goes so far.
To thy own self be true.
You perfectly described my life years ago. I remember laying awake many nights in utter exhaustion but unable to sleep because I was so stressed. Raising children has some very difficult chapters and I also thought about leaving it all but for the same reasons you described, I stayed. Today my children are grown and I enjoy them so much as adults. They are now in the thick of raising their own children and I am able to give them the support they need because of my own experience. This will pass. Just keep putting one in front of the other and care for yourself whenever you can find a moment. Your quiet simple life will return in time.
You’re not alone. So many days, weeks and months I’ve felt like this too. It will pass. It will get easier. Try to be kind to yourself when you can. Thank you for sharing, I hope you feel glad you did x
Does it help at all to say “I hear you”?
This will pass, in time. I remember literally crying in the sink, sobbing, one evening when mine were small, and yes, that was a low. It happened more than once - and only twice.
I’m sending hugs, along with all the others. You have a support network here.
The older kids can learn non violent communication (they’ll roll their eyes at that) and maybe it will help you too, to say what you observe, feel, need. And plainly, specifically, request. I wish I had learned that 25 years ago. I didn’t. I muddled through. I wonder if it will help you now.
I think of how, in the end, the small moments of calm and joy add up
And connect
And sometimes need creating a little more often
What expectations can be thrown in the bin
I remember the joy of throwing a picnic blanket on the grass and telling the kids it’s banana sandwiches for tea tonight. No washing up beyond a plate. New rules.
I forget many, many things.
I notice what others do, in their perfection and am aware of my momentary feelings of inadequacy. But no. It shows me that there are still ideas brewing of how I’d like our life to be. Ours probably won’t be like theirs,
Maybe it will if we join forces for an afternoon? I can throw together a baked bean supper for my children and my friend’s children at a moments notice, when she needs help, or a break.
And now our kids have flown. They flit back and we throw together a supper still. The house is messy, we still have cats walk in with a mouse or even remnants of hay from the last guinea pigs we had, recently passed. Where it hides, who knows. It makes me happy.
You will find that happy of your own. And keep dreaming of the calm you seek x
Thank you for skipping the toxic positivity and being REAL about the harder times of life. The world needs people to give voice to all of the complexity of what we experience. Your authenticity matters!
Keep up the good, honest, heartfelt writing Sophie